would you be my everything?

2010-12-03T08:11:00.001-08:00

I just feel so incredibly alone.

2010-11-09T20:45:00.001-08:00

My. heart. stops. when you look at me.
Just one touch, now baby I believe.

Hahah oh dayummm am I glad I met you.

2010-11-09T08:22:00.001-08:00

The thing about me,

Is that when I get insecure, I tend to overreact. I pull people closer. And I hate it when I can't.

Damn, I wanted to be your friend. I still do. But you're so terribly hard to make sense of. I can't talk to you without the conversation dying down, I can hardly keep it going. It's always "ttyl, k?" because we've run out of things to say. I don't run out of things to say. That is so unlike me. So why is this a problem? Do you not like me? Because you sure as hell seem to want to go out a lot.

Anyway.

Today water bombs cheated my feelings):

Went all over the world looking for them, kept finding them in sets of 10.

FINALLY, I gave in, because I thought I'd have no choice. Only to find that the next place I went to sold 150 at less than half the price.

OH.MY.GOSH. Like seriously, PISS ME OFF. Waste my money and my time and my life and I SWEAR I could've shot someone.

):

Anyway. Now I have an excess of water balloons. Any one wanna buy water balloons?(:

I just didn't know what to do.

2010-11-08T02:30:00.000-08:00

But when I become a star, we'll be living so large;
I'll do anything for you.

Hello lovelies. Haven't been here in ages.

SO the holidays are upon us, and I'm sitting at home like some sad no-lifer. Well, it's not my fault, really, since everyone's having O's. Even NJ people have Higher Chinese O's, and I've spent my last two weeks with the non-higher chinese people, so it all got a bit boring. Can't wait for the exams to be overrr. So many plans! (:

Absolutely. Cannot. Wait.

Maybe I'll blog again soon. Not like there's anything better to do nowadays anyway!

2010-08-17T06:57:00.001-07:00

Gosh I haven't posted in forever.
Should've done this long ago, like a year ago when I created my tumblr.

I've moved to tumblr, follow me there(:
Updates, rants, dedications, everything. But I post too much. hee.

OKAY BYE!

http://angelscreams.tumblr.com

follow follow follow loves

2010-06-07T08:45:00.001-07:00

I think I'm gonna disappear.
It's what you want, isn't it?
I give up.

Love with electric sound.

2010-05-01T01:42:00.000-07:00

It's not the road
It's not the miles
Or being alone
That tell my heart
She should be aching
The danger's in
The danger's in
The danger's in the waiting

I see my life well rehearsed
And it bores my mind
It's like a show
I've seen a thousand times before

Hello world. My blog, I've realised, is pretty dead. So, I'm considering deleting it. Or moving to another address. Since after all I only update with one liners, or little more.

Past week has been, eventful. I'm too tired to rant like I used to so I won't. But if you've been involved in my week, you should know you made me rather happy(: Despite the tests and whatnot.

Do you sometimes feel like there's something else you should be doing? But you're just too scared of failing, or that maybe you just aren't good enough, to actually do it? It's a demoralising feeling indeed.

I'm blogging only because I'm bored. And I should be mugging/homeworking. Like every other weekend. But I'm not. Like every other weekend.

Booo. Haha I've been pretty detached this week though. I think everyone is kinda stuck in the middle of nowhere. No one really knows where to look. Why do you think I live in my bubble now?(:

It's like forgetting the words to your favourite song
You can't believe it
You were always singing along
It was so easy
And the words so sweet
You can't remember
You try to feel the beat

You spent half of your life
Trying to fall behind
You're using your headpohones
To drown out your mind
It was so easy
And the words so sweet
You can't remember
You try to move your feet

But you're stuck standing still.

Jaded

2010-04-26T05:32:00.000-07:00

I am so tired now.
Like I really wanna lie down and sleep and die.
My eyes hurt like I've been crying when I haven't.
My skin feels dry as fuck but it isn't peeling or even look dry.
I hate being here, I wanna just scream and I can't.
I'm fucking tired.
But I can hardly talk to people anymore.
Fuck this man.
In IJ everything was so easy.
Then I came here and like, over and over again the same thing.
I trust someone, they break my trust.
(And maybe I lose a friend because I trusted someone else too much)
It's fucking tiring.
The only good conversation I seem to have anymore is with myself in this little head of mine.
It's insane.
I'm someone who needs to talk, and needs people to talk to.
But like, I can't.
Not here. Not anymore.
I'm tired tired tired.
Screw this.

It's coming down, down, down.

2010-04-23T06:49:00.001-07:00

You want to break me right? Is that it? Why did you have to go and say that? And do that?

Um. Ouch.

K screw that. You meant a lot to me and you knew that. So what was this about then?

I'm closing my eyes and concentrating on breathing slow and pretending we never met.

Pretending I don't know what this means.

I shot for the sky, I'm stuck on the ground.
So why do I try?
I know I'm gonna fall down.
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Oh, it's coming down, down, down.

2010-04-15T04:21:00.000-07:00

I really don't like you now.
That incident just made me realise that.
Past few times I've been talking to you, it was just bad.
Well thanks for saying that, you made my mind up for me.
Either way, you can't say I didn't try to keep being nice to you.

You screwed it up this time.

Fuck, I'm tired):
Guess I'll just keep pretending.
See if we can fix this.
(I kinda hope we can)

2010-04-11T17:12:00.000-07:00

LAST NIGHT,

MARIE LEARNT THAT DUCKS

DO NOT HAVE SHELLS.

HAHAHAHAHA

2010-04-08T05:23:00.000-07:00

I try to go on like I never knew you,
I'm awake but my world is half asleep

2010-04-06T07:28:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry you get a shit time because of me. I really am. I never meant for anything like that to happen, I just trusted the wrong person and too much got out and half of it was bullshit. I genuinely don't want this to screw up this friendship. We're friends right? Honestly eh-.- That's all I ever really cared about. I don't don't don'ttt like losing friends, you included OKAY?

Will you PLEASE get that into that miniscule brain of yours? I swear it's so tiring sometimes.

KBYE.

You see, you can't just play with people's feelings

2010-04-02T03:44:00.001-07:00

But I think that I deserve to smile.

What if none of it ever really mattered? Because I'm beginning to believe it, really. I could almost say it was all a lie, all that time, all you said. I'm okay with it now though, surprisingly enough.

The week has been, um, eventful. And full of retarded childish moments, but it was hell fun(:

April fooools!

HAHA.

I really should be researching MUN but I'm in such a lazy mood! Ain't that saddd?

2010-03-29T09:15:00.001-07:00

I hate that I have to act so much and you don't because you hardly give a shit.

ANYWAY.

Today was an amusing day.

It rained so heavily in the afternoon when we were supposed to have pe.

Chieun Wei: It's Monday.

Me: Yes, we know.

Chieun Wei: It's raining.

(No response)

Chieun Wei: It rains every Monday. We should have a Monday rain song.

Then in a moment of complete spastazticness, Sam starts a beat and me, cw and dylan all start clapping along as though we really were going to start a song. Funny shit, I swear.

But the rain earlier really was damn cool! Like, it literally drowned the field and track. We decided we wanted to go swimming(: Then Huiling came up with the idea that we could slide around on garbage bags! Haha damn amusing luh.

But the downside of this would be thatttt, now our class has to do 2.4 on Thursday with NO prior training. Screwed? I think so to.

Hee 403 is awesome(: We had a new teacher today because we're moving into the Physics component of 2109. And at first he actually opened with a test-.- Then he yelled at us. But despite that, we still ended up in such a good mood during introductions later(:

(L)403

Okay bye, I'm sleepy and it's 12.30 already): School tomorrow, then PS, then Dramaaaaa! Hahah life's good, except that I'm so unbelievablyy broke. BOO.

KAYBYE!

Maybe if I say it enough, I'll believe it.

2010-03-24T02:05:00.000-07:00

I'm over it. Bye.

Hi world, I'm a tired girl. School today really sucked. I ended up in an even worse mood than I was in yesterday, so it was kinda bad.Papers are fucked up, the only things I got A for were Lit and English. (But for LA, I topped class, and Lit I'm second so it kinda made me smile)

Ouch I just banged my head on the wall behind me. Pfft I'm strange. I keep having these impulses to lean my head back when I'm sitting on my bed even though I know that there's a freaking wall behind me. Aye.

Kay whatever. Anyway, I actually said NO to going out today just so I could sit on my own in boarding coz I knew everyone'd be going out. That's how shitty my mood was, and if you know me, I'm not usually one to blow people off, or say no to going out most of the time. I slept for a while, then Erina came barging into my room like some very loud elephant and I sat straight up before waking up HAHA.

So went over to crash for about an hour and we talked about the whole world and not the whole world. It was fun. (: We ended up being really retarded. Heh.

Anywayyyy now I'm stoning and waiting for Huiling and Adelia to come back from BTP because my nap really cleared my head and now I'm alright again. Yay.

Oh my. I have a hole on my nose. HAHAHAHAHHA. Okay I know that probably makes no sense but it's effing funny. HAHAHAHAHAHHA.

Okay I need to stop being a retard. I'm just bored as a piece of paper in my school bag. I'd bet it's bored since I leave them all there all day and all night. Oh look, there I go again.

I've got Angels Cry by Mariah Carey ft Neyo stuck in my head. Any nice soul wanna send it to me?(: Thank you, you're lovely.

Oh hell, I'm so bored. I need someone to entertain me, but no one's online and everyone's out today. Boooo.

Hee youtube videos(: [But it's so annoying when they take forever to load, which they tend to do when I use my mobile internet. Rah.]

Okaaaay. Waiting for videos to loaddd. Waiting and waiting. Oh why am I waiting?

Hee, damn amusing, but it's not really four plus minutes, it ends at threeee!
Not to mention I think he's damn cute(:

Ahahaha funny. Okay I shall post this now, like finally. HAHA Byeeee.

awesomenessssss

2010-03-23T05:15:00.000-07:00

ARIEL NAVAS SO TOTALLY MADE MY DAY

Omfg, today was awesome(:
Like like, school was retarded coz the only lesson we had to go to class for was GC-.- AND I ACTUALLY UNDERSTOOD BIO! Talk about achievement. First lesson too! HAHAHA. Omg fail.

Then went to coro with Sam to pick up grapes for Mr chee and her groceries. It was, uh, interesting, to say the least. RIGHT SAM!

HAHAHA Then when I went back to my room, I ended up having a very amusing conversation with Marie and Sam about a lot of things, and sick jokes hee. Damn amusing. Who knew I had such corrupted friends?

After that, went down to meet Ariel to watch Alice. Did I mention I loved it? Like so really truly(: Ariel likes it too so we've concluded that it's got something to do with the fact that we can connect to the show on a very personal level. Insanity wise(:

Omg then we had a damn amusing time trying to figure out where to go, I think we walked the same route at least ten times back and forth. Then we finally decided that we wouldn't get Ben and Jerry's free cone, and that we refuse to conform and ended up buying ice cream.

And while walking back, I discover that my ice cream's leaking out the side onto the back of my phone. I nearly died omfg. But I laughed damn hard too! Kinda mad. Then we looked like total noobs trying to find the toilet in Mandarin Gallery. Seriously.

I realised, written down it doesn't sound like much, but I swear it totally made my day(:

SMILEY.

Hahahaha HI ARIEL I THINK TODAY WAS SO VERY NICE:D(L)

2010-03-20T07:27:00.000-07:00

Thank you Vans. You're right. He can

EAT SHIT AND DIE.

KBYE.

HATE YOU.

=)

You should know.

2010-03-13T23:44:00.000-08:00

I’m so full of contradictory bullshit. I need you then I don’t. My heart and my brain won’t come to an agreement. You shouldn’t even matter this much, that I actually have full internal battles with myself because of you.

Why do we keep trying sometimes? When we know it's absolutely pointless? Why don't we just let go? If we know it's gonna hurt, if we know it's gonna make us bleed dry, why can't we just stop? We know. But we don't listen. Our brain can't control our heart. Yet one without the other, that just wouldn't work.

What is it about loving people? Be it friends or lovers, why do they matter so much? What's with this need to have people around us who matter so much? Why can't we just push ourselves away and live alone for a while? That way, we don't have to worry being betrayed or backstabbed.

We don't have to worry about broken hearts.

Half the time, the person who breaks it doesn't even know how much they've meant to you. We end up hurting all the same. I don't see how that's fair. Generally, I forgive, but it's so hard to forget.

Like just the other day, I came across something. And I ended up having this entire internal battle. I'd forgiven, but not forgotten. What I found made me wanna forget and go back and just be that friend that this person needed. But then how could I let myself forget? This person decided they'd gotten sick of me, that they didn't want or need my friendship anymore. Why would I forget that? And go back to getting hurt again?

That just wouldn't be smart now, would it?

So no, I won't forget. Memories have completely washed over me, and I can't help but hurt all over again. It's just so exhausting, to keep fighting it all off, so that I can just be okay.

So why? Why do we get so attached to people? Why do we bare our souls to others? I mean, they're only human. It's not like they can help us, all they'll do is break us down eventually. Now when I trust someone, I guess I'm still scared. I've still got this barrier up, because I know they can turn around and try to stab me where I'm weakest. Because only they know my soft spot, they can hit hardest.

I'm too scared of that to let it happen again.

ingrid michaelson is good therapy

2010-03-12T05:50:00.000-08:00

I honestly can't get over how fast people change sometimes. It's been three months, only three months and I know what you've been hiding from me this whole time. I give up. I trusted you, I did.

You're the third person in barely half a year. And this, I swear is breaking me. I don't know what to expect from people anymore.

Mmmkay yes I'm forgetting. It's strange though, there are people who've been there since forever. But like, they're so fickle too. Sometimes they're there, sometimes they purposely avoid me, so yeah, I'm a little lost.

I guess I could quite safely say that if you feel guilty while reading this post, then yeah, I'm probably talking about you. Or maybe you are the heartless bitch/bastard you made me think you were.

Blahhh.

I have taken a wrong turn.
Will I learn? Will I learn?
Should I show them all my scars?
Cherry red, bleeding burn.

Like an angry apple tree,
I throw my apples if you get too close to me.

But if I look to my right,
Will I see the one I fight for?
If I look to my right.
Or if i turn to my left,
Will I see that I have kept my heart
Locked up, locked up so tight?

I swear, yesterday I was a mess of emotions, today I'm just existing. I don't know what I'm feeling, I'm just sitting and being. Watching Dear John today with Erina and Vans yesterday was good, but something brought back more memories than it should have. Stopped thinking about it soon enough though, so I'm all good(:

Then window shopped with Jasmine, Huiling, Ailin. We are totally gonna do that more often. Took my mind off the world for a bit.

Once I made a man all out of snow
He had the darkest eyes and a button nose
I told him all my sadness and my fear
And he just listened with a snowy ear

But when I came around the next day
My friend had gone and melted all away
I saw his eyes lying on the ground
And I made a sound that was something like crying

Oh one day you will go away from this
Oh one day you will know we're men of snow
We melt
One day

Winters come, my love the winters go
And time stacks up in piles like winter snow
And everything you love and hold so dear
It won't really matter when we disappear

Oh one day you will go away from this
Oh one day you will know we're men of snow
We melt
One day

That picture puts most of my thoughts into words. Honestly, I think too much sometimes. I'm really genuinely curious to see me through someone else's eyes. Who am I? And like, what would I mean to them? Oh oh and one thing I really wanna know, is how much of me can you see? Like I think overly much and all, but what I do show, sometimes I'm curious to know how much people read into things. Likeee, is it just me? And I guess I'm curious to see through people's eyes. I'm used to figuring people out really quick, but sometimes it's hard to see what goes on in their mind. And I really wanna know, who IS really there for me? I know people who say it, but it's a bit hard to trust right now. And I guess it's alright, it's just complicated.

Imagine, we're so insignificant, even with our world shaking theories and big secrets. Sometime I guess we don't matter as much as we think we do.

Contemplative. Hmm.

I am a lady in Spain
I'll sing a haunting refrain
I am a lady from Mars
And I can unscrew the stars
I can be anything that I see
I can be anything that I, anything that I see

I am in love with a boy
Manufactured to destroy
So I shall unravel my love
Like an old red woolen glove

I'M CRAVING THIS RIGHT NOW. SO SO SO VERY MUCH OMG. ANYONE WANNA TAKE ME OUT FOR SUSHI THIS WEEK?(:

Heehee(: I find this awfully amusing indeed.

INGRID MICHAELSON SONGS ARE AWESOME THERAPY. (L)

Peektures!

2010-03-05T08:17:00.000-08:00

It has come to my notice that my blog has been left relatively unupdated over the past few days, a pretty rare occurance for me. But then again, exams and homework and tumblr and phone calls are awfully time consuming y'see? So it's not like my disappearance is unjustified. Butttt, don't fret! I have returned. The thing is, it's 12.30 in the morning. So my brain refuses to function as it should. As such, I have resorted to posting pictures. After all, a picture says a thousand words, does it not?

Anyway, all of these pictures are edited. Picked them randomly because me and Erina spent the evening editing photos, so I felt like sticking them here so that they won't ALL disappear if my laptop screws up and dies. (Touch wood!) But if you've been following me on Tumblr since like, the start of this year, you might've seen most of these!

Okayy here goes...

Warning: Slight insanity. Viewer discretion is advised.

Heh, my class. Can't help but love them:)

The girls in my lovely friday ex tuition class:)

I've been told by five different people that this pictures looks terribly wrong.

Go bleach your brains please:)

Krittika and Sam : Epic Tap Tap Battle!

♥

This is a memory.

This is a memory too.

Heh. I'm particularly proud of this one, don't ask me why.

Roomies!(:

OBS! Me and Jessie(:

(Also top scorers for the first lit test heh)

At Mr Leow's weddinggg

These were taken on two completely different occasions but I realised I'm wearing the exact same thing. HAHA. And my apologies for spamming my face here, I think I look nice(:

HEH.

Glenda's face cracks me up I swear.
CCA Fair '10

Marie's Barbie pose(:

Jasmine's Barbie pose!(:

But I don't think I edited this very well:/

Jasmine acting cute:)

Perth, 2007, AEP Trip.

Memorial of WWII soldiers.

Joanne! Haha I like this picture(: We took them at one of the last lessons!

I loveeee this picture! I think I edited it pretty damn nicely(:

Love this song. Picture from the plane on the way to/back from (?) Sydney in 08!

Okay whatever. I know this is terribly edited. I WAS BORED! HAHAHA.

Cyn♥

Michael. Kris. Samuel. Joanne. Me.

Well that's my class for you.

This is super old but (:

The sunset in sydney was gorgeous. I don't know why I did this.

LOVE.

THIS.

BOARDING.

FIRST NIGHT.

♥

Okay, picture spam over! This took me twenty lovely long minutes to do! G'night nice internet people. Hope this was entertaining(:

xoxo

2010-02-23T03:39:00.000-08:00

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW.
FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA.

HECK YEAHH [heeee]

CLASS:)

2010-02-23T03:17:00.000-08:00

During our geography lessons, we were learning about seasons and what the rotation and orbit of the world has to do with it.

Erina: Oh, but I was just wondering what the differences in the weather in the North pole and the South Pole would be like...?

OH DEAR GOSH. SERIOUSLY?

HAHAHAHAHA:)

Oh oh and and we've got a new swear word, dylan and i were throwing at each other before i left class today.

YOU FOOT!

HAHA inside jokeee!:)

Boston

2010-02-19T08:50:00.000-08:00

In the light of the sun,
Is anyone there?
Oh, it has begun
Oh, dear you look so lost.
Your eyes are red, the tears are shed
This world you must have crossed, you said,

You don't know me,
And you don't even care
Oh yeah
She said you don't know me,
And you don't wear my chains
Oh yeah

Yeah, Essential yet appealed,
You carry all your thoughts across an open field
When the flowers gaze at you
They're not who only ones
that cry when they see you

You don't know me,
And you don't even care
Oh yeah
She said you don't know me,
And you don't wear my chains
Oh yeah

She said I think I'll go to Boston,
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over
Where no one knows my name
I'll get out of California
I'm tired of the weather
I think I'll get a lover
And fly 'em out to Spain

Oh yeah and I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I was tired
I think I need a new town
To leave this all behind

I think I need a sunrise,
I'm tired of sunset
I hear it's nice in summer
Some snow would be nice, oh yeah.

You don't know me,
And you don't even care, oh yeah.

Boston, where no one knows my name,
Where no one knows my name,
Where no one knows my name, yeah.

Boston, where no one knows my name.

I absolutely adore this song.

Mm, been busy, but it's been nice. We end up playing cards every free lesson:) Keeps my mind off unwanted nonsense running around my head like headless chickens. I succeeded in my task heh. And it wasn't that hard I realised. The little demons come into my head when I'm alone, so now I make sure I am always doing something else. Go read my private blog if you've got access and you're my nice lovely friend. Hahah I probably don't make much sense but whatever. It's one in the morning and I want to sleep but a part of me can't let go of now. Yeappp. Not making sense. Oh, but tumblr is suchhhh good relief for the soul.

three two one.

2010-02-18T07:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a strangely bad day for me.

Like seriously, I skipped lunch because I was so moody. Thank you daniel for talking me through all that. If I ever go that way again, please slap me out of it thanks:)

Haha yeah so, it wasn't wonderful, that day, but I made it through the day eh? Went for Ash Wednesday mass with Mervelle and we kinda talked through most of it:p heh. It was, um, eye opening? Yes in a way. Like, I realised we're more similar than I'd initially thought. HI MERVELLE YOU'RE AS HUMAN AS ME:) Hahah but yeah, it was good to talk to someone who understood, like finally. I swear sometimes I near explode from not being able to find someone who can relate. We met Andreeee!:) Who said he'd probably be able to sit with us then in the end didnt-.-

Anyway, pretty late that evening Ariel called me and I think I went a bit mad on the phone. I shan't say why, but yes. I went mad. And I'm still not sure what was up with me.

I've been telling myself I don't care and that it doesn't matter for this long. Buttt omfg suddenly everything came back to me yesterday and I don't even know why. It doesn't make any sense, but I'm okay today, and I'm more sure about what I'm gonna do. No, I'm completely sure about what I'm gonna do.

Thank you to Ariel, Mervelle and Daniel for putting up with my rants yesterday. I totally owe y'all for that. I think I probably would have died otherwise.

:/ Then again, you'd all miss me too much, wouldn't you? Haha okay whatever, I'm mad.

On a closing note, it took me a moment to get this, but when I did I nearly literally LOLed:)

Goodnight world.

She said, "I think I'll go to Boston.
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start it over.
Where no one knows my name."

XOXO.

Messed up.

2010-02-17T07:30:00.000-08:00

Someone PLEASE tell me what I'm doing.

2010-02-15T20:15:00.000-08:00

This would have been so much easier if I hated you.

But then you had to go and be so wonderful.

2010-02-14T02:52:00.000-08:00

OHMYGOSH MARIAN NG I LOVE YOU. YOUR POST TOTALLY MADE ME ALMOST CRY, GOSH. IT'S SO AWFULLY SWEET AND IT WAS SOMETHING THAT REALLY MADE ME SMILE. NEEDED TO HEAR THAT. GO READ MINE, YOUR NAME IS THERE TOO, AND I MEAN EVERYTHING I WROTE THERE!

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH. I LOVE YOU! I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE CARED ABOUT ME QUITE THAT MUCH BUT APPARENTLY PEOPLE DO. I needed to know that, especially now:)

And I'm writing this on my public blog because I think the whole world should know how awesome you are:) ILY!

2010-02-12T22:40:00.000-08:00

OMG SPAZZ TTM.

But funny all the same:)

2010-02-12T16:39:00.000-08:00

I woke,
Dreaming we had broke.
Dreaming you left me,
For someone new.
You cried,
Drying those brown eyes
Crying you're sorry
Sorry won't do
But

This is the way I need to wake,
I wake to you.
You never left me,
All that I dreamt had been untrue

...

Last night, we had a great fight.
I fell asleep in
Horrible state
Then dreamt,
That you loved my best friend
My heart would not mend.
Seemed it was fate.
But

This is the way I need to wake,
I wake to you
And you never left me
All that I dreamt had been untrue
Opened my eyes, I see sky.

...

Just say you'll stay forever mine, till we fall asleep tonight.

...

Why do I feel like I've just woken up from the strangest of dreams? And I'm waking to you.

2010-02-12T09:37:00.000-08:00

1. You go to Boston/Geneva/New York/Paris/London/Berlin once a week

2. You walk past Learning Lab and know it's not a clinic

3. You have a secret notebook

4. You collected all the stickers telling you which class to go to

5. You look forward to childrens day because you get ben and jerrys/ chocz / macs vouchers

6. You have lever arch files packed with thick sets of notes because they use paper like nobody's business

7. When you pay your tuition fees, you get your receipts printed on thick, embossed conqueror paper, presented to you in a sleek silver envelope.

8. Your classroom activities include building a lava lamp, keeping fighting fish, and going to pet the rabbits and guinea pigs during toilet breaks.

9. Your tuition classroom has nicer furniture than your house (i.e. glass panels for whiteboards, 10000 inch LCD "fireplaces", random mini LCD screens around the corridors, a Mr. Bean cartoon being beamed out of nowhere...)

10. You spend half your tuition time begging your teacher to let you go down to subway, 7eleven, macs, cold storage or starbucks.

HAHAHAHA omg definitely learning lab:):)

Any other day.

2010-02-12T07:18:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day, yes it was:)

I thought it would suck, what with everyone cancelling on me at first, but who knew those little awesome coincidences would come into play today of all days?

We watched Obsesseddd! I realised it's a fucking AWESOME movie. New favourite for now:)

Bleah, school concert doesn't bear much talking about. Pretty boring.

Heh anyway, went back to RGPS with Rika and Shamera today! Janani and Shumin crashed too. It was so retarded, I swear. They've got some rules now. Like, YOU CAN ONLY ENTER IN SCHOOL UNIFORM and YOU'RE ONLY ALLOWED IN THE CANTEEN. Pfffft. And I was like, wearing my own clothes SINCE THATS WHAT WE WERE ALLOWED TO DO FOR SCHOOL TODAY.

Omgg lah so annoying so Rika lent me her skirt, Shumin lent me her majorly oversized softball jacket and I wore it over my clothes so I ended up feeling like I was wearing a dress over a dress over a dress. Damn funny BUT SO WARM I SWEAR.

THE FOOD INCREASED PRICING:( But nevermind haha it's still nice! And they still have the mix drink heehee. Ah memories (L) Me and Shamera still remember where she 'ambushed' me in primary 1 HAHA.

So Janani and Shamera left, then me Rika Shumin went up to find teachers. I MET CIKGU SHARIFAH OMG OMG OMG:):):):):) after superrrr long. We talked for like, pretty long catching up and stuff. She was like, "I think if I saw you anywhere else, I wouldn't have recognised you!" and "You've changed so much! So grown up now!" and "Ohmygoshh Nisha you look so sweeet now! Yes, really, you look so sweet!" Heehee:)

Then some kid came and gave me and cikgu oranges. AH TALK ABOUT FEELING DAMN OLD.

Hahah ah gosh it was so nice to be back and we went EVERYWHERE and commented about how everything seemed to have shrunk. Gosh.

Anyway then I was on my way home and met J on the bus. I was like :O:O:O coz I totally didn't recognise him sitting next to me HAHA. But then again I was "very deep in thought" as he says.

The rest of the day was nice:) Wheeeeee haha I'm in a pretty good mood now!

You're a major bitch, do you know that? You act like you care, I guess you don't. Really, you fake it but you forget there's another way I can tell. Aye whatever. That's just the way everyone is. Whatevs.

I have a feeling half the world is gonna misintepret that ^ Whoops! Okay I don't really care:)

2010-02-10T07:15:00.000-08:00

People change and we just gotta live with that.

HI FRIENDS:) Sorry if I've been a bitch to any of you all recently. Like online and offline, I have my sucky moments. Or a lot of them now.

Anyhoo.

Went out with Melissa on Sunday!:) PEPPER LUNCH FTWWWW! hahah It was nice, and, um, eye-opening? I guess? We talked a lot and walked through most of Orcharddd. I showed her the nice pretty pretty place in Central, but camwhoring was a bit impossible because IT WAS SO CROWDED OMFG. :( Sadddd.

Yeah anyway, past few days I've been a bitch and kept cancelling plans on people:( Sorry.

I'm scared.

My class is quite fun! Haha and me and Huiling have a shared diary now, because she loves vandalising my diary so we decided to get one to write properly on!

OMG I HAVE MALAY TOMORROW

I AM SO SCREWED

NO WORK HAS BEEN DONE

ISN'T THAT NICE YO

Okay whatevs. I'm dead tired, I literally collapsed on my parents bed today and knocked out for two hours straight. My maid spent 10 minutes just trying to wake me up!

Whoops.

Damn, I need more sleep.

Therefore, I will sleep now.

Heehee okay goodnight world.

11.20PM. I MISSED 11.11:( AGAIN DAMMIT.

2010-02-08T07:02:00.000-08:00

AM I REALLY THE KIND OF PERSON SOMEONE COULD FORGET ABOUT AS A FRIEND BECAUSE THEY GOT SICK OF ME?

You have no clue how terribly this question has been haunting me, I swear. Am I really that kind of person? Because if someone can go from best friend to total stranger because of that, because of me, it must mean something right? Is that really me, then? I really need to know because it's making me doubt myself way more than I should. I hate this. Really.

Fuck.

2010-02-07T03:51:00.000-08:00

So today I find out I'm stronger than I thought.

And the other things I found out? They change nothing.

They only reinforce the point that you're completely dead to me now.

You should have known I don't stand for being used and played with and that I'd find out soon enough.

But you know what I think? It's your loss. Completely. Something will happen eventually that will absolutely kill you. And I wanted to be there for you, but apparently you don't need anyone else but yourself. That's alright. The sadist in me is laughing for your future. Yes, laughing. I know what happens in these scenes.

Like I said, we're all actors in the same play.

I hope it's gonna make you notice someone like me

2010-02-05T05:26:00.000-08:00

I just realised I didn't blog about walk-in and dance party and cca fair!

Yeap so wednesday, left Leadership early to go prepare for CCA fairrrr:) Actually, only those with valid reasons were allowed to leave early from leadership, but in the end, only four scholars turned up HAHA. Failll. Anyway, met Rachel, Serena and Vanisha and went down to the drama stall where we found costumes and dressed up. And then put on our masks over it. It was funny, no one had any face to come out of the toilet, we all looked like scary overdressed freaks! But yeah, I was supposed to be diva-ish. Which i accomplished pretty well!

First person to recognise me was Yvonne. The minute I came out of the toilet she stared at me for a bit before saying, "Trying to trick me right! I know this person!" :)

It was amusing. Walking around we either got really freaked out looks, because our masks made us look pretty scary, or we got people look super excited and approach us to find out what we were promoting. Soon enough, the masks started getting DAMN HOT. I swear I nearly died.

A couple of times we went up to the booth in the hall and talked to Kristy (who's come back as a teacherrr), Liqin, Wengkin (WEEKING!), Glenda and Geraldine and occasionally Adelia! So then, after a full afternoon of walking around the school looking like an overdressed peacock, we retired to the hall, took off our masks, and camwhored like the crazy asses we are:)

That was fun, then we went and changed out and got our stuff together. Glenda and Geraldine left, and I bumped into Jiahui and Tessa who were gonna go for the walk in later too. Went around with them for a bit, then went over to Hwa Chong with Esther and Denise to buy dinner. And this was like, 15 minutes before the walk in started! We ended up bringing back 9 packets for all the lazy people who hadn't wanted to come along! Haha:) Ate with 05 people and some others, then ran up to meet Marie and Maria, who I sat with through walk-in!:)

It was good. I must admit that walk-in 2 was DEFINITELY better than the first one. The dances were just a lot better. Like seriously. Jasmine and Dylan dance well together, they're nice to watch! And Erina too, except you can never see her face since her hair is permanently covering it, so she ends up looking pretty scaryy. HAHA WHOOPS DID I JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD?

:D

Anyway, then Marie and Maria ditched me and left after walk-in because they weren't staying for the dance party:( So I went to stand with the guys. Danced Shut Up and Drive with Hunquan. DAMN SCARY CAN. Even Derek and Qi Heng agreed that he was too hyper. We ended up making the train thingy and everyone kept running after each other.

In the end, I was dancing and jumping and screaming with Qi Heng, Donavon, Edward, Hun Quan, Cheng Yang, Derek, Wei kai and Esther. I stuck with Esther through most of it since we were the only girls! Haha but it was nice lah:) Then we bumped into the 02 and other 05 people and a very high Erina. So then everyone kinda merged together and I danced with Vans and Erina and a lot of other people. Hahah it was funny, some parts everyone just died. I was almost permanently high:)

But yes, overall it was pretty fun. Not exactly wonderful, but pretty nice all the same.

Then went to KAP with Rachel, Paveta, Xin Yi, Jerlyn, Ren hui, Edward, Cheng yang and Qiheng. I was half asleep and stoned through most of it though:(

Anddd then the next morning I screwed my chem test:) And my malay teacher asked me why I was so tired. I WAS LIKE, OMGWTF OF ALL THE DAYS FOR ME TO BE TIRED, IT HAS TO BE THE ONE DAY HE ACTUALLY STAYS AWAKE.

Haha, today was actually a pretty nice day except for the ending bit. I swear, the whole class is addicted to playing cards now. OKAY ANYONE WHO GETS BORED DURING BREAKS, GO TO 403 AND IF WE'RE HAVING A BREAK TOO, WE'RE MOST LIKELY PLAYING CARDS:) HAHAHA YES WE'RE THAT AWESOME!

Damn awesome, I swear.

Anyhoo. Ms S. is the biggest bitch I know in nj. Seriously. Like wtf is her problem. Not only can she not teach, she expects everyone to follow her stupid IMPRACTICAL rules. Like seriously, she's the only person who cares. None of us really give a shit, but she says if we don't follow, it just shows she don't have respect for her. HAH. I honestly think. That the whole class. LOST THAT. A hell long time ago.

Honestly, why did she come into teaching in the first place? She can't teach for nuts, and the whole class hates her. Like seriously, during LA the whole class was bitching about her. ALL OF US.

Doesn't that just say something?

Yeapp well. And then the stuff that happened after school was nice tooo(L)

OH AND BTW, SORRY ABOUT THE FACT THAT SOME OF THE COLOURS ARE SCREWED IN MY LOWER POSTS:( BUT I HOPE THE NEW BLOGSKIN LOOKS PRETTY ENOUGH:)

kayyy bye world!

Pretense.

2010-02-04T05:43:00.000-08:00

I sure as hell wish it wasn't. But it's as real as the chair I'm sitting on and the music I'm listening to. So if you'd like to tell me it's all a dream, why am I not on the floor and beyond bored?

Ah fuck lah. I've been unusually unhappy the past few days. And I'm so fucking fake I don't show it. Not like it's not justified, I've got reason enough and more and I hate it.

We play cards a lot more often in class now! Not bad eh! It's pretty fun thoughhh. Takes my mind off stuff. I need to learn to play daidi! I'm kinda picking up from them but not entirely sure yettt!

Booo I've realised my class has changed A LOT. It's almost strange. I was talking about it with Glenda. And realised it's actually a lot more than meets the eye sometimes. Looks like 03 is entirely as fake as me sometimes. (well, no offence, I'm not referring to the whole class, just a few people, but it affects everyone even if they don't know it!) But then again, aren't we all? Don't we all hide things and pretend like nothing ever happened? Don't we all look and look away when we think we'll be caught? Too much sometimes though.

Fuck it, I miss you. But you don't care anymore. Imagine, it was just barely a week ago.And I didn't tell anyone because that's like admitting you're gone. Which you're not, right? You can't be. I need you too much.

And I quoteee my dear wonderful friend who knows exactly what she's talking about:

"For a long time, I had complete control of my life.
I knew what I was doing. Everything I thought and did had a reason to it. I could do it. I wanted to do it. It was that simple.

It was like sitting on a swing, and pushing yourself. Feet planted firmly on the ground. Hands clutching to the ropes at the sides of the swing.
Push.
Swinging, just a few feet above the ground. A few feet. If you fell, you wouldn’t be hurt. No. Just a few scrapes and bruises and you’d be fine. Safe.

Then one day, you’re sitting on another swing altogether. Your feet metres high above the rocky floor, hands slumped by your sides. The swing suspended by mere threads.
Push.
And you go up, and up, and up. And you never come down, you never swing back. No. You’re traveling through nothingness, and you never know when you might return. There’s no end. You fall, and there’s nothing. Nothing to support you. Nothing to catch you.

Sometimes, I think back to the days when I was in control. When I was in charge of my life. When I had the say, the right and the power to do things my own way.
It seems just like yesterday.

It’s like taking snapshots of your life with your camera. Flick. There’s you and your parents building sandcastles at the beach. Flick. There’s you and your friend posing like mannequins behind a shop window. Flick. There’s you and your other friend expertly trying on make-up. Flick. There’s you and your family posing for a family portrait.
Flick. Flick. Flick.

Then you burn it. Burn them all.
All the memories, all the dreams, all the happiness.
As you watch the flames lick them up greedily, you feel a pang of regret. Maybe you shouldn’t have done that. Maybe you should have kept them, stored them back in that teeny corner of your heart.
But it’s too late. There’s no use. There’s no space in your heart.
It’s time to move on.

You wonder what you could’ve done differently.
Perhaps you shouldn’t have been so obliging. Perhaps you shouldn’t have been so weak. Perhaps you shouldn’t have been so stupid.
Perhaps that’s why you lost control of your life.

And you begin to wonder.
That maybe, just maybe…
It was all your fault to begin with."

And the thing is, I totally get that. Maybe it was all my fault to begin with.

Anddd on to a certain person, who probably hasn't visited this blog in centuries, but whatever.
Firstly, "It's not you, it's me. Don't blame yourself." is not going to cut it. A part of me wants me to hurt you as badly as you've hurt me. Do you know that now I'm honestly scared to hold someone so close to my heart, lest they turn around and do to me what you did. It hurt dammit. Did all that friendship we had mean absolutely nothing to you? Was I just wasting my time and emotion and effort on you? Because another part of me, wants to go back and force you to tell me why. Why it's you and not me. And what kind of friend you take me for. Someone who's just gonna give up and forget everything just coz you say so? I genuinely want to know what's up, y'know. I want to know why it's you. What happened. And why couldn't you take me for being honest? What is it that you didn't like that you had to push away? I don't understand and I really want to if you'd give me the chance. But you won't. Why?!

Sometimes I find myself wondering where I'm lacking. And why I have this amazing ability to repulse people I care about. It's absolutely unbelievable, wouldn't you agree? But on the other hand, I've got people who say stuff that makes my day despite everything. People I would give the world for. (L) :

Okay, friend #1:
She went through a special programme and switched schools about two years back, and I'm quite surprised our friendship hasn't changed much.
Actually, though, I think it's getting better. I could actually bitch to her about some people from my class, with no worries that she might spread anything at all.
I didn't use to like her. For some strange reason, when I first met her, I thought she was all so self-absorbed, and too shy and way too nice.
And I'm usually more of a sucker for those girls with strong, vibrant characters.
Then when I finally became good friends with her, just months before she left, I could've killed myself for being so stupid.
For not seeing that she was one of those awesome, dependable friends I could've had, but didn't take the risk to try to befriend.

:)

And:

"OH met Nisha for a while :) Love you babygirl!" and " It really made me realise that there are some friends that you'll never forget. ♥"

And so on and so forth, but I shan't elaborate on stuff that needn't be said. But yes, it's posts like these that make me smile and make me remember that I actually have made a difference in more than one person's life. And it's the things people say that remind me that I do matter.

Thank you so so much. You know who you are:) ILY.

You're so unhealthy to my diet of happiness.

2010-02-01T06:37:00.000-08:00

melikesthisquote:)

I like the way I can't keep my focus
I watch you talk, you didn't notice
I hear the words but all I can think is
We should be together
Every time you smile, I smile
And every time you shine, I'll shine for you

Whoa oh, I'm feeling you baby
Don't be afraid to
Jump then fall
Jump then fall into me
Be there, never gonna leave you
Say that you wanna be with me too
So I'm a stay through it all
So jump then fall

Past few days have been. Uh. Eventful!

Friday, we crashed mass dance, so I know how to do half the Shut Up and Drive dance! It was really fun, learning it. Danced with Shuyih and when Erina and Denise heard that, they were both like, "SHUYIH CAN DANCE?!" hahah, it was pretty funny:) But he dances pretty alright actually! Then, GS lecture, which I was so tempted to pon, but didn't, and we had to all vote for people in our level, to find our president and vice president. Damn amusing, Hari became pres and Renhui became vp. Marie got nominated, and she promised salad day and that everyone would be pretty and skinny HAHA

The we had pe, where we discovered MS ENG ISNT OUR TEACHER ANYMORE:( SUCKS TTM. But it was fun lah, we bullied the new guy by mixing up our names till he got majorly confused:) HAHA AND then we played captains ball, after the dude only made us run TWO rounds, which was pretty nice of him! Then me and marie were teaching donavon the mass dance. While he was standing on the chair and we were defending. Of course I'm a bit short, so that was just pretense. And whenever the ball came, we'd go running away and donavon just caught the ball. HAHA FAIL. the most amusing part was at the end, when it was supposed to be the last goal, instead of hitting donavon, dylan threw the ball and it hit marie squarely in the stomach. DAMN HILARIOUS. SHE SCREAMED FOR LIKE, A MINUTE STRAIGHT.

Andeveryone around us stopped their lessons to turn and see who was screaming. Then she was screaming complaints at Dylan. FUNNY:)

THEN I WENT TO STUDY WITH AWESOME PEOPLE (L)(L)(L)

hahah saturday i had to sing for another wedding. this one, no one really knew what was going on. the bride was so blur, she came out of the car saying, "Oh I think I've forgotten something. Oh I remember! I forgot my vows!" omfg-.- and then she dropped the ring i think. and instead of saying "Yes, I will" they said "Yes, I have" like it was already done. Pfft. And the book was so fail, like somewhere in the middle of the booklet, the guys name, which was some chinese name, suddenly became Rubin. WTH LAH. And we made lunch plans, and just as we were about to leave, we discovered that the bride had catered, ordered and served food for us. She just hadn't told us. -.- Awesome,yes? Anyway then we went to eat, supposedly just a little, ended up eating crazy lots HAHA and discovered that the bride is pretty rude. The whole wedding was like Ah Beng and Ah Lian get married. Boooo.

Funny though:) We all went for lunch after that, and met up with the other half of the choir that had been singing at st iggy's wedding. Pixiang totally suanned me coz Kris and Andre had insisted on waiting for us, in particular, me, before the went to buy food-.- yeapp so after lunch, walked back to the interchange with Kris and Andre and went homeeee to sleep. IM SO SLEEP DEPRIVED, I SWEAR!

Today was amusing, y'know Physics is so crazy boring, everyone just talks and gets distracted. And then, when ms seetoh said she matt was sitting on the edge, the whole class went "NISHAAAA!" and then when ms seetoh looked confused : "SHE LIVES ON THE EDGE!" HAHAHA OMGG MY CLASS AH, I SWEAR.

And we made clouds for geog! Not the smoke from a match kinda cloud, real in the sky clouds:) OMG BUT IT WAS SO STUPID. Me and Erina left to go fill the 1.5l bottle with hot water. And then when we got to the canteen, Erina went to buy a drink so I went to fill up the bottle.

Turning on the watercooler, I wondered if the water was really hot and if I should test it. But before I could decide, I realised the water running down the sides of the insides of the bottle was so bloody hot it hurt my fingers. And I'd totally not expected that. Sooo I nearly dropped the bottle, causing the water to spill over the sides and on my hands and uniform and feet and everything. I NEARLY DIED. IT WAS SO HOT. :( In then end erina got some senior to do it. And once he'd accomplished it, krittika called to tell me we didn't need it-.- WTH.

Then back with the class, when I was complaining, Dylan was like, "So, what did you learn from today's lesson? (pause) When something says 'Caution Hot Water', it usually means there's hot water in it!"

OMFG.

HAHA THEN LEARNING LAB TODAY!(: Met ariel and anupa for dinner, and chen xiang. He's deaf, I swear! And then Mrs wee was in a terrible mood:( But towards the end it was quite okay.

When ariel asked Zhiyuan how to do circles, he was like, CIRCLES ARE BELOW ME.

All of us were like, huhhh?!?!

Anupa: OH THINK NISHA!

So I thought.

And the rest of the class.

Then I started laughing damn hard, as did everyone else.

Zhiyuan: OMG NO THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!

HAHAHAHAHAH FUNNY:) I laughed so hard I cried!

Sometimes you forgive people, not because you're really over it, but because you just want them back in your life.

So I'll lay here with you, till the final goodbye.

2010-01-31T08:45:00.001-08:00

I stay in love (You make it all better)

2010-01-24T05:18:00.000-08:00

I have come to the conclusion

THAT
I AM IN LOVE
with the IJ culture again:)

The last two days have seen me happier than I knew I could be.
Anddd I knowww I was supposed to be not blogging, but COULDN'T HELP IT!

It's just been so awesome.

Welll, Saturday was Ms Eng's wedding. Had to be in church at freaking 7.30 AM. Why why why did she have to have her wedding at 9?! So earlyyy so of course I was late for prac. And me, being the genius I am, forgot my camera even though everyone had been reminding me because they wanted to see Ms Eng's wedding dress!

Smart, yes?

Ah anyway sops had to warm up a LOT because it was so early in the morning and everyone's voices were a bit off. But we sounded good in the end:) I was messaging Maria to find out where she was and she appeared from one door and waved at me but I couldn't really see her haha WHOOPS! Kinda amusing. Then after prac went to find Maria to actually say hi. And also kinda to see who else was there, it's strange to see your church suddenly overrun by NJ people!

Yeapp so then THE WEDDING!:) MS ENG WAS SO PWEDDY. And I think because most of us are actually friends with Ms Eng, we all sang exceptionally well. Omg and Chris Chia totally forgot to silent his phone so it went off halfway through mass-.- Tell me what kinda genius does that! Hahah but we all felt damn bad for him luh, Jon kept picking on him.

I love weddings:) I mean, to be involved in the most important day in someone's life. Or two someones. They'd be so happy. It's like getting a gift that lasts a lifetime. And to know that you were there to help make that day perfect for them, it's not a feeling easily emulated. It's even nicer when it's someone you know on a more personal basis.

After the wedding, lunch reception. Food was pretty good! And then Mr Mennon came up to me:O He was like, "I took one look at the face in the choir and thought, this face ah, is so familiar" and then proceeded to interrogate me about my cca and why i wasn't in choir. Amusing. And thennn, he was like, if you want, I can put in a good word for you to _ & _ (Choir teachers in charge I think, not sure). Since I can see you have a lot of talent and potential! Congratulations. And then stuck his hand out to shake mine. I was like OMWTF:O But it was pretty cool:) Hahaha not to mention a lot of people complimented me on my dress! Yesss it was a nice day. Anyway, stole photos from Maria's senior on fb haha!

HERE COMES THE BRIDE!

auwww:) this was the time my choir started screaming and yeah. haha

Ms Eng, her husband, NJ track team. AND ME. extraing at the side HAHA. coz i hadn't been sure whether to go or not and in the end she called me to go stand in the picture!

Anyway then I went home to sleep and woke up for Olanda's party!:) It was kinda dead at firsttt. And her mum kept telling us to go play at the playground and we just ended up stoning. Then we ate and I went off to talk to the phone while they took pictures. That's why I'm only in one shot because Andre spotted me and Melissa pulled me in, HAHA.

Then they wanted to play games. Like the APPLE game. Omg then I ended up on the phone AND I TOTALLY DIDN'T WANNA PLAY. It's like, a girl and guy bite opposite sides of an apple and have to walk somewhere and back in the fastest time. I was like. uhhh. Yeah haha oh and when I went back, I was sitting next to Marc who commented that I was smart for being on the phone and how terrible it was of me at the same time. Just in time angela called HAHAH. Then there were some games like guessing about her and stuff.

It was kinda dry so we decided to throw her in the pool. Heh so we got her hairband bangles and

phone off her and dragged her to the pool. She put up a fight then Chris picked her up and threw her in. At first her mum was pissed, then the next second, "Okay we need to reenact that so we can take pictures!" omg-.- hahaha oh it was funny, chris spent the whole day complaining about how the day had sucked because of the church thing:) Then we went up to her house and played Dirty Minds. It's basically this game where there's a clue that sounds damn wrong and you have to guess what it is. In reality the object would actually be really innocent. I got scolded for getting it right a lot:D HAHA And for kinda answering for another team! Whoops!

But it was pretty nice lah:) Then at around 11 plus I walked Mervelle, Kris, Chris, Andre, Marc, Mel, Asher(Ithinkhisnamewas?) out to the bus stop. Robyn and Songwei lagged behind and disappeared-.- Aye yeah well then I went homeee to sleep!

Sundayyyy met Chris Kris Robyn Mervelle for mass! Then rushed down to Dhoby Ghaut to meet Cyn AND I WAS LATE:( SORRY CYN:( And then my heels sucked because they were giving me blisters. I hate it when you have new shoes and you have to break into them. Met Joel! YES HAHA HE HAS MY APPROVAL.

Anyway then we headed down to amk to meet Angelaaaa:) PEPPER LUNCH! damn awesome can! Then Marian Grace Neo Rochelle and Cherie came to crash. It was so so so nice to be there with all of them again I swear I nearly cried. MISSED THEM THAT MUCH OMG.

Then the aircon above me started leaking-.- At which point I lost my appetite and didn't finish my ice cream! Heh then we wenttt to Yishun for Ashley's confi! It was funny, we all kept smelling our hair because it smelled damn strongly of pepper lunch! HAHA:) And then we cabbed down to Our Lady Star of the Sea and sat above for mass. We were kinda all talking and catching up through it all, which I know is absolutely terrible butttttt. heh.

After mass we went down to find ashley! Omg she wore a lot of make up and glitter! But she looked so nice and pretty:) Met yew long (or loong, not sure) and xy who were the only two guys so i think it was a bit awkward for them! Camwhoreddddd and then went for tea at Northpoint. Well I think it was northpoint, I had no clue where we were! Yeap so we went to this place with sushiii and other yummy stuff like that:) ELEVEN OF US! haha me, marian, angela, cynthia, natasha k., rochelle, ashley, cherie, grace neo, xy, yew loong. Shared a lot of food and stuff and it was so super nice. Everyone loved my cookies and cream milkshake! IT WAS SO GOOD OMG. Ahaha shared with mariannn! Ashley's parents paid for the whole thing! Like 140+ !

OMGGG I SWEAR. I'VE MISSED THEM ALL LIKE HELL!

And Natasha K. said to me, "You're in NJ now right? What's it like? You know everyone in IJ misses you so much! Like whenever you say you'll come back to visit, Kylie and Qistina and so many other people will be like "Omg Nisha's coming back! Nisha's coming back!"

AAAH OMG TALK ABOUT TOUCHING MY HEART. I didn't know I was quite so loved:)

Then we left and bussed back to the interchange. MRT with Angela Marian Grace Neo Cyn Cherie!

Ah gosh. This week has been so amazing. Mostly today but that's not the point:) I realised now I've been living in a state of constant complacency. I was never really happy, I just convinced myself I was. Seeing all my IJ friends again, it seemed so much like before.

"You can take the girl out of IJ, but you can't take IJ out of the girl."

Remembering this made me smile too.

Gosh.

Ashley. Happy confirmation dear!:) Thank you for being such an awesome friend and listening to my rants about _ and understanding! Haha funny how we were both in the exact same position! IMY.

Cynthia. I'd say you were one of the people I keep in touch with most! Haha yes, you're awesome and so is your, uhm, friend! Haha no need my approval luh:) Thank you for always cheering me up no matter what. I owe you a lot for that!

Marian. Omggg girl, it was SO good to talk to you again today. I've missed you like crazyyy! We must keep in touch more okay?:) Shopping date! And I think you have some pretty crazy cool ideas. Which would make you a terrible influence on me, but whatever, its FUN. BRING ON THE BAD BOYS EH HAHAHHA!

Angela. Aaaaahhh omgg I've missed you so much too! And your spastic insanity! Even though you are so so strange hahaha ILY anyway! It was awesome seeing you again today after so long, gosh!

Rochelle. Boooo haha you haven't changed much but thank youuuu for being a constant in my life:) Totally owe you for that.

MY 2/1 CLIQUE. THE PEOPLE WHO MADE IJ SO MEMORABLE.

And then, there's this other awesome person.

Grace Neo. My partner in crime and seats:) Heh thank you for being short and boosting my ego! I totally miss our crazy moments in class and sitting with you and stoning and laughing at teachers and (no not you always abusing me bit) and everything else! Goshhh it all seemed to long ago!

I LOVE YOU PEOPLE. LIKE TOTALLY TTM.

Dates I'm looking forward to

-PEPPER LUNCH DATE WITH MEL:)

-SHOPPING WITH MARIAN AFTER HER CONFIIII!

(L). I am so happy right now. Pure unadulterated happiness. Not the high, giddy, laughing happiness. The I'm-smiling-because-it's-so-worth-it happiness. Thanks Natasha K and Cherie too! You made today awesome for me.

OH OH AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL CHAN!:) THERE, SEE. WISHED YOU ON MY BLOG LIKE I SAID I WOULD! I don't know why you were upset just now, but I sure hope you feel better soon kays? Sucks to be unhappy on your birthday:( Yes well thanks for being an awesome friend dude. I totally owe you for the fact that I can tell you just about anything. (More than I can say about most people!) SMILEEEE!:)

You must be a comedian, this must be your stand up routine.

2010-01-19T03:05:00.000-08:00

I thinkkk I'm gonna put this blog on hold for a while. I'll defintely be more active on tumblr I guess. I shan't post as much here. For one thing, it's really pretty time consuming. And I think it's much more user friendly to post on tumblr coz then I can post just about anything.

This'll be on hold for at least a month plus. (Also my way of keeping myself off the internet, since everyone seems to be going to sleep super early recently, I plan on joining the ranks of the non-tired!)

BUT I SHAN'T STOP TUMBLRING:) TUMBLR IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL. HEE OKAY BYE.

We could make this right

2010-01-15T04:56:00.000-08:00

I kinda agree with that. Anyway, I was reading MLIAs and came across one that was amusing:

My pleasantly plump fifth grade teacher had a t-shirt that read "I'm in shape. Round is a shape." MLIA

That honestly made me smileee.

Crashed walk-in yesterday!:) It was pretty nice I guess. Glenda ditched me last minute so I went with Donavon, Qi Heng, Edward and Hun Quan. Stoned in the gym while they played floorball and basketball for a while. I didn't wanna get all sweaty then go sit in the air con so I said I couldn't play and therefore wouldn't:D

Then went up with Erina and got pizza so I was pretty happy:) Showed Edward who Amanda was, and surprisingly enough she recognised him from her brother's class haha.

Then we went up to watch the entire walk-in from above. One side was completely crowded, the other side empty because the doors there were locked:/ But Renhui figured out that we could go through the PA room so that's pretty much what we ended up doing. Then we sat on tables with Maria and Eugenia to watch the whole thing.

Aerius' dance was damn good!!!:) Aqua, passable. Ignis, not bad. Lignum, pretty alright. Solaris, AWESOME OKAY.(yes I'm biased, whatever!) Terra, amusing, and quite good.

Then after that I went home and crashed because I was seriously damn tired. I slept till nearly midnight in my parents room coz I was supposed to put my brother to sleep. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep before he did HAHA whoops!

Oh but yesterday was pretty amusing too coz during their Chinese lecture period, me and Krittika were free so we walked around pretty much the whole school, I annoyed her like mad by saying "Hi Krittika, How's life!" about a million times! Then we ran into Vanisha and we all went to disturb Shobitha. It was REALLY quite funny. Asking her which scholar she was into now, or who was after her! Then Vanisha was like, "How about that one!" Just as one of the teachers walked in. I honestly hadn't expected that I freaking snorted when I laughed HAHAHAH.

Yes well. Yesterday was not bad I guess:) Oh and and omfg, SP TOOK THE SAME BUS AS ME WHEN I WAS GOING HOME. WTF RIGHT. I NEARLY DIED COZ SHE WAS STARING AT ME THE WHOLE DAMN TIME. Talk about bad experience!D:

Loving you is easy coz you're beautiful.

2010-01-14T04:50:00.001-08:00

Loving you is easy coz you're beautiful

Being here with you is all I wanna do

Loving you is more than just a dream come true

And every thing that I do

Is out of loving you

Loving you is easy coz you're beautiful

Spending time with you is all I wanna do

Loving you is more than just a dream come true

And everything that I do

Is out of loving you

No one else can make me feel the colours that you bring

Stay with me while we grow old

And we will live each day in the spring

Loving you has made my life so beautiful

And every day of my life is filled with loving you

Loving you, I see your soul come shining through

And I'll be forever true, I'm so in love with you.

Loving you is more than just a dream come true

And everything that I do, is out of loving you

No one else can make me feel the colours that you bring

Stay with me while we grow old and we will live each day in the spring

Loving you has made my life so beautiful

And everyday of my life is filled with loving you

Loving you, I see your soul shining through,

And I'll be forever true, I'm so in love with you.

Do you remember? It was our song. And funny, after all this time I can still remember it all word for word. I still remember. But I vowed to forget anything happened. And I've mostly succeeded. It's been so long though.

(L) Playing on repeat:)

Today was Salad Day! Ahahaha Sam brought a salad with a dressing, Marie brought a healthy salad with peaches and pineapples. I brought waffles!:D I'm so healthy, yes? But it was pretty funny, while I was worrying that Mr Tan, who'd just finished his math lesson with people in our classroom, would scold us for eating, in the end he was giving tips and discussing healthy salad options with sam and marie! Damn funny. Oh my, I think either Krittika brought her own food or starved:o

Whoops. Ah omg today I got pissed off quite a bit. And in addition to that I got threeee message replies with one and two word replies. Sheesh. Honestly, that's one of my petty dislikes. I haaateee getting one or two word replies. I mean, if you can't be bothered to reply properly then don't! I'll get the point either way! No need to waste my messages and upset me at the same time! Ish, kay so I'm still in a funny mood.

Whateverrrr. I wanna crash walk-in tmw! Since school ends pretty late anyway:) See how lah, I'll ask my mum when she gets back.

Dammitttt, there are some parts of school that I really hate. But I can't list it, it's not something I'd put into words. :/

Okay I'm super lazy to blog right now. bye world.

There's this thing that heals and it's called time.

2010-01-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

Auwww:)

I think that's so cute.

Anyway. School today was not baddd. Ran rounds for PE. We've all become so unfit from the holidays! And yes, I did exercise but considerably less than other holidays! Then we played Captain's Ball. And Terry slammed into me and I landed on the floor. HAHA. For some reason when someone crashes into me, I always feel the urge to laugh. So I was sitting there and laughing as someone (I've no idea who, thats how disoriented I was) helped me up. Then I played a bit more, then went to wash my hand coz it was hurting from falling. Bumped into Erina, Jasmine and Dylan's OG. Then when I went back to the class, I was nicely greeted by "Your group lost by six points!" Hahahah like I didn't see that one coming!

Chem was pretty boringgg. Until Mr Tham ALMOST let us off half an hour early. Then got reminded and ended up keeping us in the lab-.- Aye. IH was pretty interesting. It's the econs bit. I'm pretty surprised I was actually quite interested in what he was saying, but I guess it's coz he's a good teacher. (Maybe? I wouldn't know for a fact. Since I've only HAD one lesson!)

We all switched names! It was hell amusing. Like we had to say our names and one interesting thing about us, or our cca. So we switched names and took on each others names and ccas:D Adelia became Yijin and vice versa. Huiling became Ailin, Ailin became Krittika, Krittika became me, I became Marie, and when Marie said her name was Marie too, and that she was in Indian dance, he didnt believe her! Because I'd JUST said the exact same thing and he believed me instead of her just coz I was indian. How funny:)

Math was pretty boring, I kinda totally shut off. Stoned and stared outside the window and enjoyed the wind that the 04 classroom is lucky enough to have. We're right next door
and we don't get such nice wind!:(

Leadership was boring too. Spent most of it nagging Sam for her iPhone. Then went to find my malay teacher for the third time, still failed-.- Ahhh annoying. Then went with Glenda to Holland V, ate at subwayyyy:) Okay I think I'm pretty obsessed with that place! Then bussed back to Pine Grove and we attempted to study.

My brother was kinda shocked that I'd brought a friend home HAHA. Anyway. We went down to the lounge and mugged for like half an hour, before we started talking too much and forgot about our work completely. :) then to the swings where we talked somemoree. Haha I've missed the swings!But as glenda says "It's only for kid butts. And Dylan. Who has no butt." Kay yes I know we make no sense but whateverrr!

Today was pretty nice I guess...

glenda: what the crapp! of all the things to tag you tag that i'm in the toilet! pffttt. andd today was nice:)

Erina: YESSSS i know! haha I kinda forgot to tell you!

I'm confused. I'm not someone who'll ignore people on purpose. But I'm being left with almost no choice if you won't show me that we really are friends and you aren't just using me. I'm going against my nature so many times now. It's really confusing me. And then there are these damn masks that I put on that insist on making me think in circles. Ah dammit. I don't know what I'm doing.

This must really be the end of the road.

2010-01-12T02:35:00.000-08:00

Welll, two days of school have passed and I'm pretty much used to school life againnn. It's nice seeing 03 people again:) And classes are pretty fun too! Like, like, like, um. Okay that wasn't right. Like,

(I forgot which teacher): How would you carry out self evaluation?

Glenda: Look in a mirror.

Hahah:) I think it was Mr Tham's lesson. We were all kinda sorta stoneddd. OH AND MI LECTURE!

Mrs Yap: What is science?

Marie: Science. S-C-I-I- ehh S-C-I-E-N-C-E!

Jasmine: I know! I know! I know! Science is anything you want it to be!

Marie: Noo, you can't say Jasmine is science!

Jasmine: Jasmine FLOWER!

Me: No Marie, you CAN! Like Jasmine and CW got good CHEMISTRY!:D

That was funny:D Marie started her scary laughing and Jasmine acted annoyed:) These are the parts of school I live forrr! Oh and I saw Amanda!:) Didn't recognise her in her NJ uniform though!

I hope her orientation goes well! Erina and Jasmine (and I'm assuming Dylan too) seem to be having a nice enough time, doing retarded things with the JH3 OG they were crashing when the JH1s were busy. And my sister too apparently.

Oh I'm gonna take the LA electiveee! For LA we're doing dramaaa later on if I'm not wrong.omfg I'm damn happy can:)

OOOH AND MR CHEE IS STILL OUR CT!!!!(But its quite hard to resist the temptation to let him know we can access his facebook and we easily have a very good time reading his statuses and looking at some damn amusing pictures!)

Kay since vans complained my posts were too long, I shall make this short and say bye bye here.

xoxo, tata:)

Don't turn away, dry your eyes

Don't be afraid, or keep it all inside

When you fall apart, dry your eyes.

Life is always hard

For the belle of the boulevard.

I WANNA GO BACKKK TO IJ SOON:) SEE MY AWESOME FRIENDS AGAIN. especially the ones who didnt turn their back on me, oh wait, thats everyone except my best friend.yay.

In the words we've spoken

2010-01-07T09:28:00.001-08:00

I know what I said
Was heat of the moment.
But theres a little truth in between the words we've spoken.
Its a little late now to fix the heart thats broken.
Please don't ask me where I'm going,
Cause I don't know.
No, I don't know anymore.

It used to feel like heaven,
Used to feel like May.
I used to hear those violins playing heart strings like a symphony.
Now they've gone away.
Nobody wants to face the truth;
But you wont believe what love can do.
Till it happens to you,
Till it happens to you.

Went to the old flat,
Guess I was trying to turn the clock back.
How come that nothing feels the same now when I'm with you?
We used to stay up all night in the kitchen
When our love was new.
Oooh love,
Am I a fool to believe in you?
Cause I don't know,
No I don't know
Anymore.

It used to feel like heaven,
It used to feel like May.
I used to hear those violins playing heart strings like a symphony,
Now they've gone away.

Nobody wants to know the truth;
Until their heart's broken.
Don't you dare tell them
What you think to do.
Till they get over.
You can only learn these things
From experience,
When you get older. (when you get older, you'll understand)
I just wish that someone would have told me.

Till it happens to you,
Till it happens to you,
Till it happens to you.

Guess this was to be my experience then. Fuck. I never wanted it to be this way. And I'm so scared to let go. We were best friends. And now, you treat me like we're total strangers. Do you think I know what to do? Do you think I know how to stop this pain? Do you think I know how to let it go? I don't know what's going on. And I'm so, so scared now. One wrong move and I'll plummet into the depths of hopelessness. I'm holding on to that thin thread of hope that maybe this was all a bad dream, a misunderstanding, that this will all go away. Yet somewhere inside me I know. I know I'm lying to myself, because I don't think I'd be able to take it if I let myself know really its true. Really know that you're gone. Dammit. I'm gonna end up crying soon enough. This is what it does to me. I thought I was stronger, I thought I could pull through it and leave it behind like so much else. But I cant. You mean far too much to me. But did I mean nothing to you then? Was I just a play thing, someone you could give friendship bracelets to and rant to about how much life sucks and then go "At least I've still got you:)" and saying "You're more interesting than tv!", just to make me think you really cared only to knock me down with a blow as hard as that? Damn, girl. So much for love huh. So much for best friends.

ANGELAAAA!

2010-01-07T08:35:00.000-08:00

ANGELA: LOOK ITS AN ENTIRE POST JUST TO REPLY YOU!:) HAHA YES WE START NEXT WEEEK! AND APPARENTLY YOU ALL ARE DYING WITH TONS OF HOMEWORK AND GEOG ETC ETC RIGHT! HAHAHAH NO WORRIES, I STILL LOVE YOU:) AND I TAGGED BECAUSE I WAS WONDERING IF YOU'D HAVE POSTED A YEAR LATER! (AND YOU DIDNT:[ ) AUWWW. K BYE I SHOULDNT BE AWAKE.

My very late post about class outing!

2010-01-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

So. Shit I forgot what day class bbq was on. OH right monday. Haha okay right met glenda outside pandan valley, where we both had a lot of exercise(HAHAHA) and then bussed down to Sunset way, where I realised my photo shop wasnt open:( Then over to Orchard, we walked around a while coz none of the shops were open. Spent most of the time in toilets! (okay yes, funny!) Then finally we got called by a panicky Adelia saying "Where are you guys! Everyone is here, cab down can?" So then met Geraldine and we blew freaking thirteeeen bucks on a cab down to ECP, only to find that the only people there were Huiling, Erina and Adelia-.- We'd been HAD I say.

Then they tried to get me to open a bottle of fizzy apple juice after they'd shaken it. Kinda fail since it wasnt full enough or shaken enough!

So then after much waiting, me and Erina went to walk for a bit. And we ended up camwhoring and climbing trees! Heh.

Then we got called back when CW, Dylan, Donavon and Jasmine got thereee. Buttt it had started to drizzle so we couldn't start the fire. Ahhh well. So we waited under the pavillion for a bit. And
then they gave the F&N (i think) to donavon to open. And they'd shook it too-.- He opened it, it started to fizz, AND HE DROPPED IT. Of all the things to do, HE DROPPED IT. Sigh. Then the guys went off to buy a lighter coz the lighter one of them brought had only like, one drop left, which they wasted-.- And they went off to buy the lighter and made us wait while they ate at Karls Jr. But nevermind lah, it was quite nice, catching up with Marie(who was late) and Jasmine and the rest of the class girls. Haha quite funny, marie and jasmine were the only two locals that I didn't go out with this hols who were at the bbq!

Then Jasmine and Erina were dancing the Orientation dancee. Haha. Then we discovered a trail of ants where the drink had spilt, so Adelia sprayed her OFF at them. And then they dispersed,only for us to think, "Damn, we should've left the ants there for the guys to sit on!" since that was where they'd been sitting. But we were nice and moved their stuff anyway. And talked about ant funerals:)

Unfortunately, the guys weren't very smart. So when they finally came back, they sat right on the ants and the OFF, even though they saw all their stuff had been moved. We were all trying not to laugh:D Pretty funny to see them jump up when we told them. Then they proceeded to try to burn the ants. Right. Thennnn we started the bbq!

Dylan was the one in charge of the fire, the rest of us mostly stood there pretending to look useful and complaining about the white flies. Then I went back to the girls, and played Bridge and Cheat with them:D Jasmine was the only one helping the guys! Haha the rest of us weren't really bothered.

So yeap, food got bbqed, most of it was pretty nice:) And and I revelled in the lovely fact that I have unglam pictures of EVERYONE ( like in ij! ) but not many people have unglam shots of me. Jasmine tried to get me eating chicken wing. But I'm glam even amidst an unglam moment! Okay fine so its not entirely glam, but its not bad either! I was chewing!HAHA.

Jasmine, on the other hand, succeeded in looking a wee bit auntyish:)

HEEHEE:) HI JASMINE!

Ohh and have I mentioned that I loveeee beaches? (Clean! beaches) And I look like a stick in that picture omg. Anyway. Haha I kept going down to walk by the sea and one time I looked up and for some reason everyone had turned to stare at me so I was kinda confused. Then apparently its coz glenda said I looked emo. HAHA I wasnt emo okay! I was enjoying the beach! Then glenda suddenly lifted up two sticks with fishballs and sotong balls on them and waved them around yelling "Nishaaaaa! I love youuu!" HAHA AND THEN ONE SOTONG BALL DROPPED OFF. Epic, I swear. I was laughing so hard I could barely stand up straight!

yeahh then after we ate and everything, the girls were sitting in the pavillion and wondering what to do next,while the guys burnt everything in sight in the bbq area. Including the lighter-.- They threw it in and there was a soft boom and a puff of thick black smoke. Interesting eh?

Hahahha then a bunch of us went cyclinggg!:) I was pretty confident about it until I realised my bike was damn screwed. Like seriously, I couldn't pedal fast AT ALL. And that sucked coz I'm used to speeding past people. Like, once I start pedaling, I get fasted gradually as per normal. Then suddenly, my foot will slip off coz I'm too fast for the bike. And I swear it was nowhere nearrr fast! Then at first we were single fileish and I lagged behind till erina fell and the guys just ignored her and kept cycling D: So mean right! Haha pfft just goes to show how nice the girls are, we stopped to help! Anyway then we kept going, the guys long out of sight. And I dropped behind again coz of my damned bike. But Jasmine was superrrr nice, she went behind me so I wouldnt lose the rest:) And followed me the whole way. Until finally we actually got left behind.

By then we'd met the guys so erina and marie had gone behind the guys and me and jasmine were kinda stuck coz we'd lost them. So we kept calling until finally Erina and CW picked up and they turned around. Then they all kinda slowed down for me :) Which I thought was awfully nice, but I still owe it to Jasmine for waiting! THANKS JASMINE:):) :) :) :) :)

Yeapp so by then it was about 7 plus, and my mum was nagging me to get home, so we dropped my bike off at the rental, took a couple of photos and they went down the other way while I walked to get a cab. I SPENT 22 DOLLARS ON THAT EFFING CAB OMFG. And my mum had only given me 20 bucks that day. So that extra two dollars, plus my lunch, plus my bus rides, plus my share of the 13 dollar ride to ecp, plus bike rental was entirely my own money. Oh. Now I know why I was so brokeee.

Cycling peopleeee!

OH AND WE CAUGHT DYLAN AND DONAVON GAYING AROUND HAHAHAHA IT WAS SO FUNNY. the picture looks like they're holding hands, eh?:D

kkk its 12.34 am, Friday, Jan 8th, 2010 and I need to sleep!:) Tataaa

2010-01-05T22:24:00.001-08:00

I ~~want~~ neeeed to watch this! omfggg it looks like it'll be bloody awesomeee!(:

Sail your sea, Meet your storm

2010-01-03T06:07:00.000-08:00

"You can feel it, when someone you hold close to your heart is slipping away, little by little. it’s when the mere through of losing a friend can bring you to tears almost instantly. The pain you’re beginning to feel can crush your entire heart, and everything you try to do to solve the problem only pushes them further and further away from you. When the only chance of getting things back to the way they were, is to hope this person realises what they may be losing."

"When hurt turns red and a piece of your heart is missing. When the cold bites deep and you’ve got that feeling like you just got out of surgery. When the only way to stay sane is to concentrate on anything else but how you feel. When you count the tiles in the ceiling. When you push the earphones closer. When the first day of winter arrives. When you remember every nuance of every word of every time. When all this happens. Embrace it. Feel every feeling. Cry every tear. Sob every sob. Because this is what it feels like to have loved."

I am honestly not sure where to go from here. I'm not sure what to think. I'm not sure who to believe. I'm not sure which way to look. Someone help me.

Or maybe I AM just some superficial fucktard. And maybe I need to let it all go. Maybe I was wrong to even try and hold it together in the first place. Anddd, that's just it. I don't know.

All I know is I'm hurting and I want to forget. Everything. Maybe none of this was even worth it. Ah. Well. We'll know soon enough.

Take it from me, it's a lesson to be learnt.

When winter comes in summer, when there's no more forever
When lies become the truth
Well you know then baby, that's when I'll stop loving,
That's when I'll stop loving you.

Whatevs.

Class BBQ tomorrow! IM CROSSING MY FINGERS AND HOPING ITS GONNA BE AWESOME FUN!:) Except that I need to extract money from my mommy deeearest, which will be quite a feat. Hmm. I needa go brainstorm on how to do that, and avoid confrontation.

Ah crapp, my eyes have been hurting all day. :( Sucks. But anyway. Tomorrow! Haha and today some stuff happened that made me feel so lovedddd:)

OH OH AND ASHLEY!
when life screws you, you yell 'screw you!' back.
i think thats an aweeesome idea:)

Stayed up till three last night talking to Ariel. It was like omg full of ranting from both sides. But thanks for listening girl, I needed to talkkk. :) Love you!

K bye bye peoplezzz. I think I'm gonna be sleeping soon. Yet another distraction.
(Maybe gonna go study after class bbq with Merv, Chris, Kris, Andre? I wanna, but I don't know if i can:/)

Imogen Heap (L)

2010-01-02T08:30:00.000-08:00

Where do we go from here?
How do we carry on?
I can't get beyond the questions.

Clambering for the scraps in the shatter of us collapsed
that cuts me with every "could-have-been".

Pain on pain on play repeating
with the backup, makeshift life in waiting.

Everybody says time heals everything
but what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in between
are we just going to wait it out?

There's nothing to see here now,
turning the sign around
We're closed to the earth 'til further notice

A stumbling cliched case,
crumpled and puffy faced
Dead in the stare of a thousand miles

All I want, only one, street level miracle
I'll be an out and out, born again, from none more
cynical

And sit here cold, we will be long gone by then
In lackluster, in dust we layer on old magazines,
fluorescent lighting sets the scene
in the one life that we've got

And sit here
Just going to wait it out
And sit here cold
Just going to sweat it out
Wait it out

This song means a crazy lot to me. But I'm beginning to believe someone just doesn't care. So much for best friends huh.

I gotta say, I was kinda hurt this time round, but some part of me expected it? Before, we'd just pick up where we left off and it would be fine and awesome and wonderful. Now those memories come back to haunt me and I know it can't be that way anymore. I need to know. Did I do something wrong? I mean, if you don't care, it means you've already let go. But how could you let go of what we had? I never thought you were that kind of person. I mean, I knew you were capable of it, I just never in my wildest dreams imagined you'd use it on me. I guess this just proves me wrong in so many ways.

I know its probably true, but I just need an explanation. Its all I ask. I just want to know why.

You moved on without me.

This is my desktop picture at the moment!

2010-01-01T04:02:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 2010!

It doesn't strike me as anything particularly special, the change of year this time round.

But it doesn't matter as much I suppose. A year is 12 months is 52 weeks is 365 days is 8760 hours is 525600 minutes is 31536000 seconds. Anyone want to countdown to 2011 with me?

Teehee. K I'm a little random todayyy.

And here's a question directed at one particular person: After all that we went through recently, if we met accidentally, since we promised we'd part once and for all, would you pretend you didn't know me?

The world keeps spinning and I'm still standing.

So. 2010 eh. New Year's resolutions anyone? I guess I have a few, but I'm lazy to type them out. I'm so amused at the number of people who wanna copy my homework. But I suppose I'm the only one guai enough to do it this time round! Coz I need to show that I don't not understand the topic, its just that I'm a wee bit lazy. Heh. Same with most of my other subjects actually, but I'm not really planning on studying much for the tests coming up when school reopens. I mean, they aren't graded, so it's not so bad.

It's strange, to think of myself as JH4, or Sec 4, rather. Like, I can still remember being in Primary 1 and seeing the Sec 1 and 2 kids come back to visit RGPS and I'd think them very grown up. Now I'm even older than that! And had it not been for IP, it'd be my O level year:O Heehee, good luck to my awesome IJ friends, I'm sure you'll do kickass well for O's:) I know you're all capable of it.

These holidays have been pretty okay I suppose. Except recently my mum's been super menopausal and even made me cancel my STUDY date:( Like wtfff. And I was really planning on inflicting my un-knowledge on Glenda and getting her to do a few of the questions for me to copy:D Oh well.

Class bbq on monday! Hopefully it won't go bust. Heh one thing I love about NJ is the fact that we get one more week of holiday compared to normal secondary schools!

To all my awesome friends out there(: Thank you for making 2009 awesome. And I predict 2010 will be awesome(r) too! I edited it, so now it's niceee.

Uhh yeah k. HI ERINA. Yes, this is how bored I was, don't blame me:D Heehee the picture is actually quite funny!

From my birthday party, just edited, obviously. Hahah I did this after my party. Makes me smile:)

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE!

2009-12-30T08:15:00.000-08:00

IS A VERY SPECIAL DAY:)

TODAY IS A DAY AWAY TO A NEW YEAR.

And I take a new year to count as a new beginning, something I plan to be happy about.
I

am planning on trying to not screw things up as much this year

to do well in school

wanna be happy

stop taking everything for granted as much

Heehee, edited the photo from flying back from Sydney. I think EVERYONE got Kat to take a picture of the sunrise, it was that pretty! But yeah, I coupled it with this song because it kinda suits, no?

Oh and by the way. To my dear best friend: I know I think I messed things up, but I still miss you. And the picture below is probably meant more for best friends of the opposite gender, but who says it doesn't fit? I do love you and I miss you and I hate it when you feel bad about yourself because you are an amazing person and you deserve so much. As for the "my heart will always belong to you" bit, you're my best friend, and I love you loads. Thank you for everything. And yeah, I'll always have a special place in my heart for you.♥

Aaanyway, we're slightly under 24 hours away from a new year! How awesome is that! I think, much as 2009 was fucked up at times, so much happened this year that I'm gonna miss.
Things this year I'm grateful for:

Making friends with a couple of awesome NJ people.
Making friends with even more awesome people at church. I mean, at first I only really knew Mervelle, Robyn, Olanda and Amanda, but then this year I got to know Andre, Kris, Chris, Samuel, Michael, Nicole, Tessa, Livia, Edward, Roy, Jethro, Alicia and Marianne:) Special people who made Cath class every Saturday interesting and liveable.
Church camps! Damnnn awesome, and how the first one I bonded with people I didn't know that well and how we sneaked out of our rooms and stayed out till past midnight and we'd be retarded and laugh to no end. And the weird flyer thing where Chris piggybacked me and spun in circles and I didn't fly off! But when he let me go I dropped and walked like I was drunk and practically did a split when I slipped and suddenly the whole world was laughing and running over to help me up. Retarded, but fun:)
OBS! Where I made friends with people I didn't know that well. but we bonded awesomelyyy!Livingstone09ftwww!
MYAWESOMETRIPTOHONGKONG!
My tuition class. Filled with awesome awesome people. Who made my Fridays absolutely perfect. And I miss them all like crazy now and I'm so quiet in the new class since they've disbanded us:/
JDYC! Which I've been in since the end of Sec one, but since we're officially disbanded too by the time tomorrow rolls around, may as well include them all in here. They've made Wednesday night choir pracs so worth it. And taught me that adults can be just as retarded as us!
Oh and for boarding, which was crazy lots of fun.

See, this is what I meant by 2009 was special. There's probably more stuff that I just haven't written down. But hey, if you were someone I knew in 2009, thanks for making this year special(:

AND before I turn in for the night..

I sure hope so:) hahaha HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE ONCE AGAIN!

fuck why won't you answer me? what did I do wrong? I'm missing you dudeee, why wont you get back to me?

2009-12-29T06:24:00.001-08:00

Oh wait. HAHAHAHA i just read/ found something that brought it all back in that two seconds reading time.

Mmm. Kay. Whatever. I am so overrrr everything. I still do keep my fingers crossed when I see pictures and all the letters sometimes, I'll admit. But I guess that's all there is to it eh? False hopes.

And I had a strange dream last night. Like really strange. But I shan't write it hereee. (I'm tempted to shut down this blog actually, move to lj!)

Don't hold it against me if I need you to just hold me tonight.

2009-12-29T05:58:00.001-08:00

Don't know what to say,
Guess I'll take the blame,
Eventually it was bound to happen.

Today was nice:) Except that walking up and down orchard a total of five times killed my feet. Like seriously, I was limping by the time I got home. I shouldn't have worn heels:( Don't blame me, I wasn't expecting to walk up and down so many times!

anddd, SUBWAY FTW(: I loveeee subway omg.

K random sorry. Anyway. I'm sooo over yesterday. Like whatevs yeah? Heh:)

Hmm.

I shan't say anymore now. Nothing worth saying or publisicing to the world!:)

kbyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeloveeeeeeeeeeeeees

2009-12-28T08:27:00.000-08:00

I just deleted half my tumblr posts coz I realised you can actually find friends on tumblr. Right. There goes my privacy. (Poof, out the window)

Well if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost.

2009-12-28T07:26:00.001-08:00

Omg asshole.
Here I was thinking I was so fucked up and turns out its you who's the screwed up bitch.
Welll k ignore that. Anyway, i got my hair cut today!:) They double booked us luh wtf so I ended up waiting an hour and a half for my haircut. But it's so worth it coz they practically massage your head when they wash your hair. And the shampoo and conditioner thingy smells superrrr nice(:

Of course the wait WAS annoying.

Okay I don't care, I'm so gonna have fun tomorrow.
Screw everything else.

And here's a reply to people who've been texting me and msn and stuff and I didn't reply. Sorry, i'm a bit messed up in the head. You ought to know if i'm talking about you, yeah.

First things first, FRIEND NUMBER ONE. hahaha okay this is retarded. But yeah k, I know what you're going through. And I can't say it all here but I think you already know, you've already figured out why you did what you did. Even though you totally weren't expecting it, but you did. And you know why. So stop asking questions, you're the only one with answers. It's a matter of you. I love you:)

Nextttt, um k i shall agree with you on one point, it IS fucked up. But that's just the way it is. You'll make it out of this unscathed, I promise. They'll be okay too! Stuff happens k?

And I'm lazy to reply somemore. Because really, I've no mood. I mean, I've got nothing wrong with people bitching to me and people asking me for advice, just that sometimes I need someone like me. Sometimes I swear I don't know who to talk to. Because really, everyone either cant even sympathise, or they go on about their own damn life, when i just need someone there for me, or they open their mouth and blab it all out to the world. Even when I thought there was this element of trust. K change topiccc.

Whatever. I mean, do you think I can't see it? Do you think me that blind and dumb and everything along those lines? I swear, you're such an asshole. And you ought to just get a life. I can try to be a friend to you but if you're just not even gonna try then whatever man. Whatever, You don't matter to me as much as you used to so its not that hard to forget. I'm still annoyed and amused you actually think I can't tell. Once I got tipped off, it was pretty easy from there.

Anybody could've told you right from the start it was about to fall apart

So rather than hold on to a broken dream, or just hold on to love

And I could find a way to make it

Don't hold on too tight

I'll make it without you tonight.

Who am I kidding, this sucks.

And last night I remembered why I was such an introvert when I was a little kiddd. What it felt like. It's scary, to remember being so terrified of people.

Bet all I had on a thing called love, guess in the end it wasn't enough.

2009-12-27T06:14:00.000-08:00

It's okay by me,
It was a long time ago.

There, there, baby, its just textbook stuff;
It's in the ABCs of growing up,
There there darling,
Oh don't lose your head.
Coz none of us were angels,
And you know I love you, yeah.

Hm. Wanted to text someone today. Who I haven't spoken to in aaaages. But guess I chickened out in the end. I don't wanna burst my happy bubble or contaminate it with the unhappiness I'm bound to end up feeling sooner or later.

K whatevs.

Omg. My internet is so dammit slow, I'm dying waiting for everything to load. It takes like, five minutes to load a page or something! Pfffttt.

Oh and dude, y'know if you want me to just butt out of your life, you could tell me. Coz I know how weird the situation is with her. And I don't exactly wanna be extra-ing. (yes, I do want out too.)

Today was, uneventful? I guess? Went to church late for choir prac. Kristian's backkkk!(:

A lifelong commitment,
They gave and they served.
We are testament of their Faith, Hope and Love.

Deadlines, commitments, life is overwhelming
Schedules, appointments, our lives are time consuming.
So we forget the ones not running the race
Coz they move along at a different pace
And we forget that they too have a place
Till there's hope for the human race
I believe we can hear beyond the noise
And with faith we can still hear His voice
And love will guide us to the right choices
There is hope
For the human race

Deadlines, commitments, life is so demanding
Schedules, appointments, sometimes we need reminding
And we forget the reason for our routine
As we're crushed by society's engine
We miss all the cracks that they fall in between
(i think, i couldnt catch the line, someone remind me?:D)
And there's hope for the ones unseen
I believe we can see beyond the flood
And with faith we can hear him better
And love will inspire us when it matters
There is hope
For the ones unseen

Our legacy connects us to our past
The faith of those before us stands behind us
Our legacy will lead us to the future
And love will remind us, and define us

We believe we can hear beyond the noise
Strong in faith we will answer His call
And love will guide us to the right choices
There is hope,
Hope for us all,
Hope for us all,
Hope for us all,
Hope for us all.

You know, I'd never felt a stronger sense of community in school until I went to IJ and had Promenade. And after that, I realised that the feeling of family, of belonging, wasn't just from Promenade. It was just something about IJ. And I felt loved, and I met people who made me confident and so much more. I blame one crazy night in Sydney for that too. And then I went to NJ, and that crazy little IJ dream all fell away and I fell splat back into reality. I kinda have a feeling Vans would know what I'm talking about, though it's been pretty long since we've talked:/ And I should stop talking like this, because school starts in two weeks and I need to get into the right mindset. SHH MIND, SHUT UP. STOP THINKING. IT'D MAKE LIFE A LOT EASIER, THANKS.

kbye.

Why hello there, I hadn't realised you were watching!

2009-12-25T08:40:00.000-08:00

Um.

HELLO!

Pardon my insane highness, I am still happy.

MERRY (DAYAFTER) CHRISTMAS!

Or rather, Happy Boxing Day! (as I've been corrected three times)

Don't let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies

Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

I find the last stanza pretty damn awesome. It's a strange song, yes indeed. But I like listening to it, despite that fact that it's 6 and a half minutes long and full of instrumental bits.

Besides, I'm a strange girl. I'm allowed to like strange songs. And yes I know I am strange and I know I'm saying it for the world to hear, but no need to remind me, kays?:) I am perfectly aware of the fact.

I love you, but in a different way, I love you, forever.
Might hurt some, not too much,
But I gotta let it wait.
As the world turns around
And we go different places, new things, new dreams, new faces.

Wanna shake up, when we break up,
But we keep our memories.
I know you can't stay, so I won't be waiting, anticipating for the fall.
We had our time, baby, so I won't be waiting, anticipating for the call.

Turn it up, turn it up for the people that say "we're moving on and we'll be okay".
Turn it up, turn it up for the people that say "we're moving on and we'll be okay".

Baby, it's better, and I want you to be happy.
Sometimes people find that it's so hard just to say goodbye.
It ain't easy the more and the more you try.
So there'll be cheating, better saving, but not me and my boy.

We understand that we're friends and it just ain't working,
No point in the constant fighting.
So when we go nuts, for a minute, and admit that we're just not in it.
I know you can't stay, so I won't be waiting, anticipating for the fall.
We had our time, baby, so I won't be waiting, anticipating for the call.

Turn it up, turn it up for the people that say "we're moving on and we'll be okay".
Turn it up, turn it up for the people that say "we're moving on and we'll be okay".
Turn it up, turn it up for the people that say "we're moving on and we'll be okay".
Turn it up, turn it up for the people that say "we're moving on and we'll be okay".

I might lose my mind for a while, but I'll be fine.
Have you heard there's this thing that heals, and it's called time.
Clock can tick away, happy will fall in place.
I know, my heart will break, a new me will fill this space.

PIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTT
PIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTT
PIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTT
PIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTT
PIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTTPIXIELOTT

YAY:) I've been listening to her songs on REPEAT. And I think the rest of the post will be song lyrics. You don't even have to bother. But I.AM.IN.LOVE. with her songs. Don't ask me why, they were just there on my playlist and I keep going back to hear them!

Sitting by my window pane, thinking I might go insane
Why'd he only shoot me halfway to the moon?

Haha my favourite line from the song. OH.MY.GOD. I CANNOT stand the both of you, I SWEAR. It's absolutely killing me. Yes I care about you, and yes I hated it when you went mad coz of the breakup. But I was there for you because I love you and you're one of my best friends dammit. Seriously I don't see how your relationship works out judging by the number of times you break up and get back together. And clearly, it was her doing not yours. Else you wouldn't have been so sad about it and beating yourself up over it. I said a lot of stuff to you, I was honest with you, and I wish I could take it all back because now you'll have no room in your heart for a friend like me since she's back in your life. I never said anything about her coming back to you because I knew you'd have to get over it and move on eventually.But yeah, you're the one of the best guy friends I've got, and I just really want you to be happy.
God help me, you're driving me up the wall and I swear you're the only glitch in my happy glittery perfect world right now.

ANYWAY.

SO TIRED OF THE WAY THE WORLD WORKS
heehee. Some of her songs really ARE meaningfulish:D

K whatevs, I wanna watch Sherlock Holmes!:) Who's with meeee!

IT LOOKS LIKE IT'LL BE CRAZY AWESOME.

Kthxbye. I'm sleepy. Ought to sleep. But I just finished watching 27 Dresses, so no mood to sleep. Tsk, I'm such a sucker for romantic comedies. How sad.

I shall click that nice big orange button in a moment, and just to clarify, I take back what I said about the more song lyrics. The rest of the post was NOT full of song lyrics. Hee.

xoxonights!

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices

2009-12-24T20:59:00.000-08:00

Have I ever mentioned that I love waking up to see new messages on my phone?

And that I love waking up to birthday wishes even more?

But above it all, I think Christmas messages are the absolute most fantabulous.

I mean really, its the only time of the year where you can sleep at 2 thinking you've recieved all the Christmas wishes for that time period, but end up waking up to 5 new messages at 8 in the morning wishing you the best in life and they come with prayers and best wishes too!

Oh Oh and most importantly,

MERRY XMAS=)

Okay that just needed to be said. Happy Birthday Jesus!

I am happy.

I am a happy happy girl.

Christmas is awesome! And right now I'm just putting everything crappy behind me, because there's so much more ahead to look forward to, so I'm gonna work towards it, I don't care if it kills me.

JDYC last official mass yesterday for the 7.30pm Christmas mass:( I'm gonna miss them all. I know most of us are still gonna end up over at John's house for prac again next year, but hey, most of them reached their age limit, so it'll be maybe about a year till i see them next?:/ Loves.

I shall be a terrible camwhore now and post a picture of me. Hee. I know it's on my tumblr but to those poor deprived people without the link need to be able to see me in my full shining glory eh? Okay ignore me I'm talking nonsense. But you can't blame me, I'm happy and so dammit high its unbelievable.

LOOK LOOK I'M GLOWINGGGG! Innit amaaazing? And I still want that dress! Though I forgot where me and Cyn were when I found it! Ah wellll.

I just opened my presents!(: Earringsss! Make me happy. Haha and a laptop bag from my parents. And someone got me towels. And hand creams and lotions and stuff. And more stuff like that.

Ah, the things you get when you're a girl! Not always bad of course! Wheeee it's such a pretty sunny day outside I'm tempted to go down to the swings even though I'm in a tube dress that would probably not stay down when I'm swinging. That would be bad. Like, real bad.

Anyway, THANKS LOADS FOR THE CHRISTMAS WISHES! Some of them definitely made me smile.

CAN'T WAIT FOR THE 29TH. Going outtt with Erina, like FINALLY. I've been cooped up in this little house of mine for daaayyss and it's making me dizzzyyyy!

So world, how's Christmas going for the rest of you? Hope its going perrrrfectly and splendidly and I hope you're smiling like the Mad Hatter, because it's Christmas and you deserve to! OOH BRAINWAVE.

K now my post is all greeen and reedddd. CHRISTMAS COLOURS FTW! I just realised my Christmas tree is reeeal big, my brother can sit under it quite comfortably, once all the presents are taken away of course.

And this post is long and ranty, I shall end now. But really, I haven't felt this happy in so long. Sure as hell am glad I do now.

And once again,

MERRY CHRISTMAS BUBBLES!

Yes, coz you're all like little bubbles of hope and happiness floating out there and I'm not planning on popping anyone, because I'm nice like that.

And

Yes, I'm a little mad, but surely you must know that by now?

xoxo

2009-12-22T21:30:00.001-08:00

I don't know what I'm trying to prove. Or who I'm trying to prove myself to.

2009-12-19T00:29:00.000-08:00

I really just don't know what to think.

I swear you made me think we were friends.

Brick by boring brick

2009-12-18T06:09:00.000-08:00

She lives in a fairy tale
Somewhere too far for us to find
Forgotten the taste and smell
Of the world that she's left behind

It's all about the exposure, the lens, I told her
The angles are all wrong now
She's ripping wings off of butterflies
With her feet on the ground
And her head in the clouds

Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
Ba da ba da ba

So one day he found her crying
Coiled up on the dirty ground
Her prince finally came to save her
And the rest you can figure out
But it was a trick

And the clock struck 12

Well make sure to build your house brick by boring brick
or the wolves gonna blow it down
With her feet on the ground
And her head in the clouds

Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle

Well you built up a world of magic
Because your real life is tragic
Yeah you built up a world of magic

If it's not real
You can't see it with your eyes
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it

Cause if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Even in the dark
And that's where I want to be, yeah
Go get your shovel

We'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle

Okay I officially love that song. Lyrics are awesome(:
been busy recently, church stuff, choir, going out.

I'm damn lazy to talk about what's been happening. Basically I've been over at John's house everyday since Wednesday. To learn songs for our caroling. Chris overslept yesterday and we we ended up starting an hour later because we couldnt sing properly without a tenor! bleah.

Sang till my throat was hoarse, and now I have a sore throat which NEEDS to get better before Sunday coz we got prac at Merv's house. And I have a freaking solo. omg.

Anyway. Today after prac I went down to church to help with church cleaning, which we had to do because we raised enough money last week. It's kinda cool i guess, what we're doing. There's this old folks home, APEX, and we're basically raising money for them every week. Doing warden duty and selling cookies and challenging them to donate a certain amount so we'll clean and decorate the church. Turns out, last Sunday we collected 19k. Target was 15k. Bloody hell awesome yeah?:) We are so gonna pwn our overall target.

Yeah then I got there like, 40 minutes after I was supposed to be there. But couldnt help it, choir only ended at like 1, then I had to walk home to eat then go church again! Stephani asked me to go get a bucket and clean pews. So I went to the toilet to fill up the bucket and met Michelle. Who became my pew cleaning buddy. It was amusing. I was cleaning with some baby's clothes O.o Then there was this group of us, spread out through the whole big empty church, just cleaning pews. It was dead quiet, but surprisingly, it was nice. Then we moved on upstairs to do the second floor. OMFG its damn dusty. and its NEW. so weirddd.

I was kinda annoyed that out of all the people I'd asked, only Michael actually turned up-.- Probably Stephanie called and nagged him to go. Aye, but I don't blame them. No one wants to clean the church! So when me and Michelle went down again, we went to clean the fan covers. Coz the guys were all doing it with the hose in the handicap toilet next to the guys toilet so it was kinda full, we just went to the girls toilet. Omg the covers are freaking dirty. Like, if you just rinse it, it makes no difference. But when you actually take the covers and hold them under running water and wipe a cloth over it, you can SEE the colour difference! Damn ew. But haha yeah, bonding time for me, Michelle and Courtney who later came to help. Then they started talking about their estate. I didn't pay much attention. But I was so so amused to learn later on that Michelle, and therefore Courtney live in the estate next to mineeee!(:

Then I was sitting downstairs with Cheryl Michelle and Anne. Michelle shares my opinion about UHM. yes k hi hahaha:D Then Gary told us girls to go upstairs for a couple more things. Finally all we had to do was shake out some mat. And we had no idea what mat. So we walked all around till we finally found that mat. And me and Michelle had hell of a time trying to shake it out! Till Anne got pissed and just did it herself HAHAHAH. then we went over to the other side, and I found there was ANOTHER MAT. which looked cleaner. But it was wet. So we moved it in, then got a retarded looking mop. Freaking hilarious, trying to mop the area. And I slid down the banister. Turns out Michelle and Cheryl also wanna slide down banisters! It was fun:D and retarded. Then I randomly got called to go watch a movie. Hahahha but i was having so much fun i actually didnt wanna go!:o Laughed too hard with people I hadn't expected to have fun with. Guess I just proved myself wrong eh?:)

OMG THIS IS FUNNY.
LIKE.
PRICELESS.
OMG.
HAHAHAH!

Traded my skinny jeans for dreams and limousines

2009-12-15T04:28:00.000-08:00

A year and a half.
Almost exactly.
Hah, figures.

I realised something. I told mervelle I had no reason for the mood I seem to be in. Funnily enough, there is. And its so perfectly clear to me. I'm just not admitting it to nobody.

Struck me that I may just never see some of these people again.

Ouch.

Well, I hope they did well for O's.

Funny, I still remember them scolding me for choosing NJ over IJ. And deciding to ditch drama and not be their DEP junior. (yes, i still do regret it like hell)

I miss you people.

Kylie, Ari, Me, Saira. After one of our performances, dress rehersal for drama night was it? Kylie being the only one who hadn't washed off her make up. I don't blame her, it was awesome.

But yeah, I'm missing these people like crazy. Like omg you wouldn't believe. And qis too, but she wasnt there that day:/ I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere right now, and everything seems so long ago. I just can't believe I've been away from IJ for a year. A year. And it's not like it took that long either. It's been unbelievably fast. And so, so much has happened.

That day seemed so long ago.

Shit, I don't know what's been up with me lately. I know today one mask came undone. I cried. A lot. And like, it wasn't even like it was a new feeling that made me cry. It's something I've known for a while. I just hadn't realised it affected me half as much as it really did. Then suddenly it was a combination of things. Yeah, a year and a half. Or slightly more. But I guess things happen that you just can't explain half the time right? People change. And people grow apart. And people forget. I'm sorry for the letter. Really, I should have known better.

And I know it's stupid to stick this on my blog where the whole world can see it, but I need a way to get to you without getting too close. And I don't even know if you're gonna see this. But I miss you like crazy. I miss my best friend. Of all people, I need my best friend right now.

Maybe I should just let it go?

But I need you to tell me to. Because it's killing me right now. And it just hurts too bad

Bodies disengage, our mouths are fleshing over
As hiss and echo gain, irises retreat into ovals of white
The urge to feel your face, in blood, rushing to paint my hand print
And Frisbee one by one, your vinyl on laminate
I’m desperate for some kind of contact.
First train home, I’ve got to get on it
Got to catch, to catch, to catch, catch, catch the
First train home

Temporal dead zone where clocks are barely breathing
Yet no one cares to notice for all their yamming on,
I calm up to hold it together
I want to Play-Do waveforms in the hideaway
I want to get on with getting on with things
I can’t do any of that here can I?

So what, you’ve had one too many
So what, I’m not that much fun to be with
So what, you’ve got a silly hat on.
So what, I didn’t want to come here anyway

What matters to you, it doesn’t matter, matter to me
What matters to me, doesn’t matter, matter to you
What matters to you, doesn’t matter, matter to them
What matters to them, it doesn’t change anything.

I've got to get out now.

This aching heart ain't broken yet.

2009-12-13T08:30:00.000-08:00

It's late at night and I can't sleep
Missing you just runs too deep

What am I supposed to do?

I suppose I've done what I can.

The ball's in your court.

And yes, I would like to know if the world could possibly stop breaking my heart?

Because now it just starts to hurt too bad.

And I sit and wonder what kind of an idiot I am,

What kind of idiot I've been, considering the mistakes I made.There is a thin line between racism and pure idiocy. You crossed it. I know it wasn't directed at my race,but it may as well have been, considering that some of my best friends were of that race. And yet you sound so proud? Where the hell is the Catholic in you? Fuck man. Screw you.

I miss who I was. I don't know who I've become. Today I put something behind me once and for all. And I'm glad I did. I can't afford to live hating anymore. I don't want to and I just don't see the point.

I know this rant will be making absolutely no sense but I need to say it. And there's no one online to say it to. Dammit, why do all the people I wanna talk to go offline when I need them online?:(

Right now, I'm stuck in the middle. Honestly, I'm not sure who to trust anymore. Neither am I sure of who to look to, who to talk to. It sucks being in this position. I would like to scream and run away to another planet. Then I could live in blissful solitude, without worrying about the cruel insanity lurking around every corner as it does here.

Euthanasia. Esperenza?

Anyway, surprisingly Fr. Richard's homily today actually had a point. I mean, yes I know I was falling asleep through half of it, but that's not the point. He was talking about how having joy in your heart is not something that just happens because of something else. It's because we choose to have it there. And I suppose in a way that's true. But the thing is, when everyone sees me as this happygolucky, it's not genuine all the time. It's just a mask I put on half the time. Crapp, I don't know how to express myself now.

Amour. Oubliette?

And you can see my heart, beating,

You can see it through my chest,

Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving,

Know that I must pass this test,

So just pull the trigger.

2009-12-12T07:55:00.000-08:00

That's the Post Secret video. Well, one of them. And it made me smile some parts and then feel sad at others. But yeah, it was sweet.

And yes, I DO love post secret:)

See, i'm publicising it on my blog!

Hahaha Alright I spent a very amusing better part of an hour talking to Chris and Yuxian. So I helped Yuxian convince Chris that she scratches her armpit with food before eating it. And other disturbing habits! Supposedly she's ostracised and eats with scholars who do the same as her. Omfg it was so amusing. But I'm not sure, it seemed like he really believed us HAHAHA.

Anyhoo, just got back from Orchid Country Club with my family and my dad's secretary's family. I think I was happier there than I've been in pretty long. Shawn, their cousin, will be p6 next year, Isabelle, will be p4, i think? And Inez is 2. Inez is really adorableeeee:) And she'd run after me saying "Jie jie! Jie jie!" and then ask me to pick her up and proceed to play with my hair.

Omg that was really the most fun I've had in so long, I could be me, and I didn't have to worry about them judging me. They've known me since forever so I have no mask to put on. I could be 5 or 15 with them, depending on my feelings. It was nice:) Not to mention the endless bowling sessions. My sister FINALLY beat the rest of us when we decided to put up bumpers. It was so funny, she and Shawn would roll the ball in a zig zag such that it hits the bumpers, then rolls and STRIKE.

Crazy, didn't expect to enjoy myself as much in the past three days. But yeah, it was nice. And I think I kinda killed a part of me though, when I sat there deleting photos from 2008. I mean yeah I know I have the photos in my laptops but like, its saying goodbye to my ij memories. But not forgetting. Never forgetting.

2009 is almost over. In a matter of days, it'll be a new year, 2010! It's so strange. Gosh. This year has just passed so fast, so much has happened. And I've made so many new friends this year:) From church and school, and I realised I'm pretty contented.

I know a while ago I was feeling terrible, but now, I'm just happy as a skylark:)

Wardening two masses and singing for the last one tmw. Tiring, gotta wake up early but oh well. I can always sleep away the afternoon.

Good night mushrooms:)

Love the way you love me

2009-12-12T03:49:00.003-08:00

If you aren't prepared for a long rant, brace yourself.

K so basically.

First things first.
A.I know you. Stop fucking playing already. You think you know what you're doing? Believe me, I know more. You thought my sources dried up long ago, hah joke's on you babe.

B.Gosh, I don't get how you can be so two faced. To her you say he's annoying, whatever to get her on your side, but i can see so clearly that you only shun him in front of her. If she isn't there, you flirt like there's no tomorrow. Really, had he been any other guy, I wouldn't have cared less. But he's my friend. And though we're so close, I really just gotta say LET IT GO. I know what you're trying to do, it's as clear as an elephant in the middle of a soccer field. One minute you're taking an hour to reply me, the next you're saying OMGGG WE NEEDA CATCH UP! What the fuck is that? What IS that?

C. I give up. My long rant got deleted. Serves me right I suppose!

you're like water, except i need you more than eight times a day,
you're essential

I love that line:)

I'm not surprised,
Not everything lasts,
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in,
I talk myself out,
I get all worked up,
Then I let myself down,

I tried so very hard not to lose it;
I came up with a million excuses,
I thought I'd thought of every possibility,

And I know some day that it’ll all turn out,
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet.

Anyway. Hello world. There's a lot i ~~want~~ need to say.

Banananas!

2009-12-07T09:09:00.002-08:00

I think I'm just gonna let the pictures do the talking!:) SEE ADELIA AND HUILING, I DIDN'T POST THE UNGLAM PHOTOS!

Fallin'

2009-12-02T06:49:00.000-08:00

And I've never loved someone, the way I love you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE ELLEEEEE!

miss you loads, love:)

And yes i know, you're in the middle of some sponataeneous awesome holiday far away from this little lonely friend of yours. Haven't seen you in ages, been awesome talking to you again!

ANYWAY. THIS IS TOTALLY LIKE. THE BESTTTTT PICTURE I COULD FIND TO DESCRIBE FRIDAY 7PM LEARNING LAB CLASSES. which are no more, but that ain't the point.

Sentosa-ed today with Adelia, Huiling, Glenda today. Burnt a hole in my pocket, which clearly won't be sewn up for a while. DAMMIT I NEED $$$.

But it was nice:)

in subway! Adelia, Huiling, Me with our bottle of beer:D

The fountain that responds to me:D

Beer! Spazz one

Spazz two

Spazz three!

Adelia and her bottle of beer. (Completely unaware that I actually took a photo:D)

HUGGLES!

YES K I THINK THIS IS COOL. hahaha and totally random, but you cant blame me, huiling was trying to take a picture when i needed to pee!

Beauty in walking away.

2009-12-01T09:02:00.000-08:00

This honestly made me smile. It's sweet:)

I can't help but keep thinking. Damn. Anyway, if you want the link to my tumblr, ASK!

Todayyyy. what did i do? okay my mind just blanked.

OH cip. right. k. met adelia and erina at the bus stop!:) then we walked into stamford primary, to carehut, the childcare centre we're helping at for cip hours. Anyway, we went in, had all the kids talk about us.

Then me and erina went to fill water balloons! Glenda, Huiling and Adelia came to help too. The water bombs kept bursting the minute we tied them and put them on the floor!:( Finally, Huiling ran to get a plastic bag and we put them in the bags, so they didnt burst. It was fun, filling balloons and spraying people! And Mr Chee came! Complained about how he'd have to go back to work. The he went inside to join Yijin Geraldine and Ailin inside, watching Alvin and the Chipmunks with the kids. Guess who got hooked?

So we reserved some water balloons for him and when he finally came back out he backed away slowly saying "OHMYGOSH!" and pointing behind us then RUNNING.

HAHAHA I SWEAR MR CHEE IS DAMN FUNNY. anyway then the kids came so we watched them play captains ball, then me erina glenda and adelia began throwing the water bombs in.

Finally we just let them at the water bombs! And yes, I got hit by an eight year old. Shut up. Hee.

Dried up, cleaned up, went out to eat. We wanted to find somewhere to sit and eat, but it was raining so EVERYONE was indoors. Finally bought back macs-.-

Then station games, I was in charge of group 4. First, at Erina's station, where they played Wacko. Amused? To say the least, yes. They ran and ran and ran and in the end didn't wanna hit each other! Then to Huiling's station where they played Duck Duck Goooose! That was funny too. Coz they're so smalllll!

Then Ailin's station, Pictionary! MY GROUP PWNED EVERYONE ELSE! like totally man:D hahah i'm so inspiring, i told them to get more than 20, they got 24! But it was starting to get tiring, coz they were getting rowdy. Then last to Glenda's station with my UNO cards! And then one of the guys was being a spoil sport and I kinda lost my temper with him. Good thing I have a little brother so I know how to treat them.

But. WE WON. OVERALL MY GROUP TOTALLY PWNED. HEEEEE:D and then i got attacked by small people for the mamee. -.-

Photo taking:) Then we made a move.

Went to JP with Glenda, who went to find her friend! Then we walked around for like 2 hours, ate Subway. Talked a lot. Found out stuffff. And enlightened her on other stuff! I wanna rant it here but I just realised it would be quite dumb.

oh well, meeting Adelia Huiling Glenda and maybe Geraldine tomorrow. SENTOSA!:D and VIVO!:)

♥♥still think so.

You see, I'm the bravest girl
You'll ever come to meet
Yet, I shrink down to nothing
At the thought of someone really seeing me
I think my heart is wrapped around
And tangled up in winding weeds

But, I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet are trembling
Every word I say comes stumbling
I will bare it all
Watch me unfold
Unfold, unfold

These hands that I hold behide my back
Are bound and broken from my own doing
And I can't feel anything anymore
I need a touch to remind me
I'm still real

You can't flag a cab on the highway!

2009-11-29T06:12:00.000-08:00

Thank you, Lord,
for the trials that come my way.
In that way I can grow each day
as I let you lead.
And I thank you, Lord,
for the patience those trials may bring.
In that process of growing,
I can learn to care.

But it goes against the way I am
to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.

I thank you, Lord,
with each trial I feel inside,
that you're there to help,
lead and guide me away from wrong.
'Cause you promised, Lord,
that with every testing,
that your way of escaping is easier to bear.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.

I thank you, Lord,
for the victory that growing brings.
In surrender of everything
life is so worth while.
And I thank you, Lord,
that when everything's put in place,
out in front I can see your face,
and it's there you belong.

This was definitely my favourite hymn in IJ. I miss morning prayers and the hymn every morning! Ah sad.

Adelia: YEAH omg he sucked!:( haha yes k mosquito wing soup! damn coool!
Anupa: FRIDAY MATH CLASS FTW:) I LOVE OUR CLASS TOOOO OMG
Nick: And that is totally beyond awesomeeee!
Grace A: i totally miss aep k! haha and thanks, i definitely have:)

Anyway, past few days have been nice:) Saturday went for Faith Hope and Love 3. IJ band and guitar at cjc! Goodness knows why its called THREE since last year's was called Fantasia! kay whatevs, met cyn at 5.30 at bishan. bought flowers and cookies and ate at subwayyy!then bussed down to cj, bumped into qis and her friend summer!

Queued outside for the longest time, met cyn's friend, some sji dude called bryan and met shari toooo!

When we finally got seats, Odelia and Lin Ying were behind us!:) omg havent seen those people in agessss! then we sat through one or two pieces, where we mostly spent spotting people and then i started falling asleeeep:o so me and cyn started eating our star shaped lollipops!:D it was funny coz taking out the wrappers were so noisyyy!

So that kept me awake! Then was the interval! Everyone went to mingleee:) fun, grace neo screamed when she saw me. damn funny!

Then the guitarists played, band again. they played the ponyo theme song! HAHA:D thennn more camwhoring, then me cyn linying odelia decide to go eat prata!

So we crossed over to the other side. and walked to catch a cab. and realised we were on the highway. so we had desperate attempts to catch cabs! amusing like hell man:) went damnnn high. and then finally this nice uncle swerved damn sharply to pick us up.

After a moment of wondering if he was stopping for us, we RAN and piled in. then it took us a while to figure out where we were going! sooo down to prata hut, the realised we could've taken a straight bus there-.-

Ran into shari and her friends tooo, ate and laughed too much. miss you people loads man. xoxo lin ying, odelia and cyn:) then cabbed home, nearly 11. my mum was calling like mad. crazy. but i didnt get into too much trouble!

Yeappp then sunday, (which was 3 minutes ago) did warden duty. I was okay with it until mervelle started worrying. omg i swear she always starts worrying then I GET WORRIED TOO. haha mass was amusing, we were all sitting together, a row of red people!

So yeap i kinda accidentally kept hitting people's knees with the stick thing. or at least the bag attached to it. coz i wasnt used to it being full of coins! i collected a lot of $50 bucks:D haha michael was sad coz he only got one fifty note. thennn went to town with mervelle, chris,kris and andre. we ate at sakae sushiiii and i blew 18 bucks. seriously. my meal was ELEVEN. but andre stupidly split the total dcost five ways so me and mervelle ended up paying for food we didnt eat. omg i dont know HOW i am gonna tell my mum i have no money. really. i have two bucks in my wallet. and i'm going out this week. HOWWWW! omg:/

yes well, it was funny and spastic and awesome. went around shopping with mervelle while we forced the guys to wait at starbucks! then homed!

ah kay life is awesome right now. pure unadulterated smiles:)

picturesss, in random order!

CATCHING CABS ON THE HIGHWAY! that blur next to me would be lin ying!:D
Rochelleee the emceee!

Odelia, Lin ying, Cyn, me!

Cyn&Me:)

Grace Adam!

Chin Yen!

wan ying, person who's name i used to know:o, cheryl xy, grace neooo! and me extra-ing

me, cyn, beatrice:)

Odelia, Lin Ying, Me, Beatrice!

Ditto

KELLY!

CHIJ BAND. and the cheapo school doesnt wanna make a banner SO THEY USE THE PROJECTOR. right.

ROCHELLE EMCEEING!

CYNTHIAAAA is loved:)

kay buhbye peeps. haha KEEP SMILING COZ I'VE REALISED THAT IT'S ENTIRELY POSSIBLE.

and in reply to what erina wrote on her blog, I HAVE:) omg i finally haveee.

♥♥ because two is better than one. yes i love you too L:)

Kids, play nice now.

2009-11-24T07:47:00.000-08:00

i don't know why i keep talking about it.
when this gigantic part of me wants to just put it behind me.
today was fucked up.

Saturday
got scolded by my mum for going out too much. something that seems to be happening to a lot of people recently.and then went for dinner with robyn chris kris mervelle. nyny!:)

Sunday
Vans confi, met erina cyn rachelle edward. We kinda played truth or dare in mass, which ended up being more truth or truth coz we couldnt do a dare! Yes i know, pretty terrible. heh. then went to eat at subway with erina edward rachelle. i guess it was nice coz i met sooo many people i didnt know were there:)

Monday
wasted my life:)

Tuesday
old folks home visit, kinda cute:) hahah it was funny and spastic. lunched with andre and kris then went down to kap with kris to meet chris and mervelle.sat there talking and stuff. and then they arranged all the warden duty stuff with people.it was nice. robyn came down to crash for about an hour before her driver came to pick her to bring her to the airport. lucky girl. she's gonna bring me chocolate:D

yeap k whatevs, no mood to blog but i just gotta do something to stop myself from thinking. besides the stuff that actually happened and the people i was actually with, who were awesome btw, it just sucked. like i got calls and stuff in the past few days. and then figured stuff out. and then thought too much. and then realised that it's got me so fucked up and i need to get a grip once and for all. just shoot me dammit.

i need to forget. i need to let it go.

i realised i'm drawing and writing again. i guess its just a defense mechanism, to keep myself from falling apart. Gosh, how i missed doing art in aep, this just made me feel again. damn.

Find me at the end of the rainbow.

2009-11-22T23:29:00.000-08:00

Tell me these are not the most awesome people you've ever seen, and I'll slap you.

Effectively, these are the nutcases that keep me busy EVERY friday evening. And make everything that I end up missing, so much more worth it. This would be my weekly escape, where I sit and go high after a week of total madness in school, see?

Need I say more? Mad:)

See rachel in the background? We were totally writing on ALL the walls and glass surfaces! Damned cool, photos on fb if you wanna see them in detail!

Mary Poppins under our umbrellaaaa!

I LOVE YOU ARIEL!(: HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLLL!

Yes k, the umbrella is quite the camwhore.

HAhahah omg spazz! Daniel just stuck something down wee shuen's shirt! Pity weng shien and tin hsiao already changed class:/ Bet they're regretting not being here for the last dayyy!

MRS WEE! YOU'RE FAMOUS! AND ON MY BLOG!:D

Okay this shot is spastic but ariel's expression is so funny i just had to post it. yes and i was excited coz i realised we could write on both the glass AND the table with the white board marker!:D

Ummm, our tickets. Which normally are in one piece, except that we decided to leave with a bangggg!:) Of course Aunty Audrey was kinda pissed, but that didnt affect our highness much!

~~Yes, he's gay!~~ HAHA in other words, he comes from our class so of course he'd do that!:D

Alright I love you people:)
Like much much love x267654345765432

I think learning lab's management is even madder than us. And by that I mean actually clinically insane. Really,splitting up a class like us?! How could you do such a thing! Clearly, they are crazy jealous and deprived. And mrs wee admitted to loving our class a lot just before we left. So we're gonna have a class outing when Ariel comes back!:)

I think it's gonna suck, being in any other class but our own. I've grown so dammit attached to these people. These awesome people who surprised me with stuff for my birthday when it totally wasn't necessary. But I liked it all the sameee.

okay scratch that, I LOVED it all the same(:

I'm gonna miss our class loads man, and tuition isn't ever gonna be as fun I suppose:( I'm gonna miss how we'd bring food up every week though it wasn't allowed, our stupid conversations and deaf people. And how Mrs wee would join in too!

Ah gosh I'm just making myself sadder. Oh well, i suppose its true, all good things come to an end.

ps, those of you with access to my private private blog, no there's nothing wrong with your com, i made all my posts completely private. So, you can only see my most recent post. And yes I know it's annoyingly emo.

For every moment I'm denying.

2009-11-19T18:46:00.000-08:00

My birthday party was nice(:

Really.

I was so scared that the rain would screw it up. but i prayed and prayed and it was okay:) heh. Yeah so at like, 4.15 Qis and Kylie arrived, super early and it was still raining, just not as heavily! So went down and opened the function room then picked them up. Left them to decorate at the function room when Geraldine came and followed me back home to pick up more stuff. Then when I was walking home, Edward and Adelia came and I was a bit worried about letting them go in on their own since they didnt know Kylie and Qis! Yeah so we rushed backkk and I was going to the bus stop to see if anyone else was there and then in walk Erina, Dylan and Edward. Since Erina was smart enough to remember her way around the estate!:)

They sat there and played cards-.- Then Zanyang then Marie camee, then CW and Jasmine who were soaked. And Huiling and Glenda(WHO TOLD ME SHE WAS SICK),heh Adelia Geraldine Qis Kylie were all in the toilet filling water balloons!:) Finally, by the time everyone had arrived and were in the room, i chased them out coz the guys and erina were hooked on playing cards.

At first, the girls threw them around a little. And the guys disappeared around the side and when i went to see, they were all in the pool. And got scolded by the security guard for being in the pool with their normal non-swimming clothes on. Ah whatevs, so they got out of the water.

Then the real pelting-each-other-with-waterbombs started. Kinda split into three, the guys (only 4 of them since Donavon hadn't come yet), some of us girls,(Jasmine, Marie, Erina, Huiling, me, Qis, Kylie) and the other group of girls who just didnt wanna get wet. (Glenda, Adelia, Geraldine) After a while we were kinda running EVERYWHERE around the clubhouse. That was the fun:) Like, we finished most of the water bombs pretty fast, then everyone took water bombs in their shirts and ran:D then geraldine, adelia and glenda were camping in the girls toilet, and the guys were trying to pelt them with water balloons from outside. At which point we all ran out of water balloons. Then Jasmine Marie Kylie Erina Qis Huiling and me were all in the jacuzzi. And I went and got more water balloons for us since i had two and a half more packets. (see, constant usage leaves you with extras that come in very handy:D) Then they realised you could actually fill up the balloons in the jacuzzi from the jets! So, being nice, i gave the guys the half packet, which was barely half, more like 20? So they tried to fill it in the basin next to the fuction room, which was kinda fail coz there was not enough pressure! :O and there was a frog stuck in a very small hole which kept trying to get out. HAHA. saddd. so the guys ran off to the toilet and i rejoined the people in the jacuzzi. then got scolded again coz the guys were still trying to hit the girls in the toilet. and so because of that, the girls barred the door even though someone else needed to use it. Yeap so i chased them all away from there. SORRY FOR BEING SO NAGGY ABOUT THAT:( i wouldnt have cared if you played there, just that my sister kept nagging me to get rid of you all.

Sooo then when the guys came armed with their water balloons to attack the few of us at the jacuzzi, we were ready too. coz we had unlimited supply. HAHA. so basically it was throw at them, they throw back at us. until finally they ran out. so we just had fun trying to hit them:D then i went and got my last packet of water bombs. HEHEHE. amusing shittzxz. then more throwing at the guys, who got smart and just found big plastic bags.

then as we were kinda getting out, cw picked up jasmine and dumped her in the water. HAHA. so i went to go help her out along with huiling i think. then suddenly edward threw a big plastic bag at me. filled with water. and i nearly fell in. but didnt:D until of course he came and pushed me in since i was already at the edge. i mean really, HOW CAN YOU DROWN THE BIRTHDAY GIRL!:( hahah but it was funny luh:) gave me a good excuse to pick a target. which i forgot about soon enough:D then the security guard was an idiot and took pictures of us-.- so i went back to check to see if my parents had called me. which, thankfully, they hadnt. but it was ten to 7 and pizza was coming at 7. so i told them to finish up the water bombs and get changed.

pizza dude called and me and glenda and cw went down to pick it up. altogether, $255.41. expensive pizza eh? hahah i'd ordered 10 pizzas and side orders so it was kinda reasonable. My parents came then with the cake!:D Then i went back to my house with erina to change. And realised. MY PARTY BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER! i mean like, everyone made friends with kylie and qistina coz of the water bombs right!:) (heh and other stuff:D) yes it was nice talking to erina till we got back to the function room. At which point i realised that everyone was waiting for me to start eating! :O and then they asked me if i was gonna say grace. and i was like, "But most people here arent catholic/christian" and looked around. Most people said nevermind that, and qis was like " My dear, I go to a catholic school and attend mass with you all, do you think i mind!" hahah it was, a nice surprise, to say the least. I totally hadnt expected that:) Its just really nice to know i guess? That my friends are that accepting? Idk something like thaat, and yeah so i said grace.

Watched step up 2, had a chair squeezed in between Huiling and Edward for me, Cyn and Angela turned up and we ate a lot of foooood:D then at the end, got erina to help me set up the pinata, but everyone else saw and so most people came to help me! it was all the girls so most of the grumbles were along the lines of "shouldnt the guys be doing this!" because we mostly had to move stacks of chairs. damn funny:D then donavon came, straight from training!D: of all places! Everyone kinda sat around watching step up 2, then we played pass the parcel with something my sister had JUST wrapped in newspaper. HAHA. failll, got dylan and erina to do 7 wonders:D which was kindaa mean, then after that it was just boringish. then people started leaving:(

Found the sparklers and hair spray and light sticks, sprayed Donavon's hair bright pink:D then played sparklers! And then arranged the sparklers in a star shape on the floor, lit them, then sprayed the entire thing with the hair spray!:D and because the spray is flammable, the entire thing was on fire! so we had pink floor with black burns from the sparklers. kinda cool, actually:D (as long as we dont get caught)

It was pretty awesome, coz Mervelle Chris and Kris all crashed then, after choir! Between Kris and Chris, my cake went from half left, to less than a quarter. Damn pro right! Then Kris, Chris, Mervelle, Don and Edward helped me clean uppp. And Edward and Chris were at war, and i got caught in it and had a bouncy ball attack my cheek bone:(

Then Mervelle, Chris and Kris watched me open presents. HAHA. And gave comments. Yes, I love their gift too. Puma bag!:D:D:D:D

I think overall the day was absolutely awesome. Pictures up soon:)

Then on my bday itself, got totally spammed with messages. Which i kinda like a lot. Birthday message spammage makes me feel lovedddd! Went to watch 2012 with cyn, angela and marian! then bowling and subway with cyn!:) Lovessss.

2009-11-18T08:55:00.000-08:00

ABSOLUTE AWESOME-NESS INDEED:):):)

i know i got cold feet before the party, what with the rain and the people being bitchy about the function room. but i am so dammit glad it happened:)

I fell in love with today, though it had it's annoying moments. I'd blog more but i am so amazingly drained. I just showered again so i feel like i just got pushed in the pool again! HAHA:) kk i shall blog about it tmw? Or as soon as photos from cyn and erina and olanda are up!

and we say,

2009-11-17T06:41:00.000-08:00

PARTYYYY:)

fingers crossed that it turns out well!

omg i love my dad's authority in Pine Grove. Some dude wanted to take the function room, after I'd booked it. Tried to call me but my phone was in my bag so i didnt feel it vibrating! So they called my house and gave my grandma hell. But my grandma was smart and made it sound like we were little kids and therefore couldnt give it up for the MPH above. Coz the MPH is kinda dangerous. But they were insisting that it was an emergency and other stuff like that, but refused to actually say what. Anyway, then my grandma referred them to my mum. And my mum gave the phone to my dad. The minute they heard my dad's voice, they totally backed off. Omg so awesome can? Like seriously, having a dad who used to be chairman and knows all the little people and their dirty tricks does have its perks:D According to my dad and mum, it was probably just the dude wanting the room for his karaoke-.- Yeah kay, my purpose is muchhh more worthy can!(:

AND I HAVE SHITLOADS OF CANDY OMG,

Automatic, Supersonic.

2009-11-15T20:22:00.000-08:00

they cant handle it?
they cant handle it.

wheeee kays.

you know what I found?

Today, during Spanish, a girl asked why so many people have birthdays this weekend. Another girl said its because its been nine months since Valentines Day. MLIA.

hahah! WHOOPS! and thank you Erina for disturbing my peace just to call me and read this to me. HAHA.

threee days to the most important day in the worldddd:)
actually, according to my mum, i was a few weeks premature. So by right, I'd have been a December baby!:o Oh well, I like 19th November a lot a lot better!

hahah i'm glad everything's happening now. I guess I'm starting to figure it all out, my life is now becoming unscrewed!:D

Went back to school for Bio makeup. Damn funny, I met Darius walking out as i was walking in. And i asked him why he was there, he ended up repeating three times, "I came for squash pt but it got cancelled" because I was deaf and yelled WHAT at him a few times HAHAHA :D then as i was walking off i realised I'd left my earpieces in!

Omg so noob man!

Sooo, just went out with Olanda. First, i took damn long to get ready so in the end she came up to my house. and my brother kept jumping around. right, then down to Holland V for Haagen Daz and to look at party stuff. Then to a row of shops in Bugis. Then to town. Then down to Tanglin Mall. Then back to Holland V for ice cream at the place Marc Chan was working. Olanda was very excited about that-.- heh but it was damn funny, she got me to take unglam shots of him cleaning the glass:D Then bought my pinata. An ice cream-.- Like i hadn't had enough for the day. But its not very big:( Ah well, nevermind. And i blew over 90 bucks on stuff for the party, ice cream, cabbing. DAMMIT MAN.

alright well, GOT CHEM CONSOLIDATION HOMEWORK TO GO DO NOW. due tomorrowww:(

2009-11-15T02:56:00.000-08:00

I believed what you said,
But love doesn't have a meaning
When you hurt me so bad
Just threw it all away
You knew I was scared
To once more let you get that close to me
Despite what you did
I believed

I don't know what to do, or what to say. And I'm scared now, really truly.

I'm trembling inside, I am really lost. God help me:(

Life is short, love is sweet. Aint no time like this time baby.

2009-11-14T05:59:00.000-08:00

I love this little boy so much, my heart is bursting at the seams:)

My brother is awesome.

Anyway, went for Chel's confi today:) HI ROCHELLE YOU LOOKED PRETTY! and i'm still in love with your shoes. Heh, so met Ashley and Angela at Bishan at 11.30 at J8 to get something for Rochelle. First we ate, though I'd just had breakfast. Pizza Hut Lasagne ftw:) It's yummy. heh but exxxx.

Then walked around, ANGELA KEPT WANTING TO GET A FISH-.- I got a new laptop caseee:) Not bad pricing either! Walked around and around a lot, got her a Winnie the Pooh balloon that says "If friends were flowers, I'd pick you!" Sweet right! Omg we're so nice:D

kays then we went down to Yio Chu Kang station and then took a bus to the church, we kept worrying we'd passed it! But we were lucky and got off at the right stop. Funny thing is, the mass started at 3, rochelle said be there by 2.30, we were stoning at the bus stop from 1.40 till 2:D haha, then went in and discovered that the toilets were nice!

Went up and saw Nick appear out of nowhere!

Then when we were sitting down i saw Chris Chiaaaa! Hahah omg totally wasn't expecting that man. So mass was, um, different. Yeap k whatevs, then we went down to eat!

Chris was in shock that i was staying, "You're actually staying for this shit?" HAHA but in the end guess who left same time as i did? Anywhooo, the food was damn good, and i ate too much:D

Camwhored,kinda. It was nice seeing Ashley and Angela and Rochelle again after sooo long:) yes and Nick too. hahaha!

Bussed home, mrt, then change mrt, then bus again. Omg killer tiring in heels man:(

Photos on fb soon!(:

ehmygosh,didthatjusthappen? omg if you're gonna say it, just tell me you know please. your hinting is driving me crazy, because I've already said girls don't read things the same way as guys, which effectively leaves me very confused. Ah gosh. My laptop battery is dying.

Boomz

2009-11-13T07:39:00.000-08:00

Take a breath, take it deep
Calm yourself, he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take a gun, and count to three
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go

And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

Say a prayer to yourself
He says close your eyes
Sometimes it helps
And then I get a scary thought
That he’s here means he’s never lost

And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

As my life flashes before my eyes
I’m wondering will I ever see another sunrise?
So many won’t get the chance to say goodbye
But it’s too late too pick up the value of my life

And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

grace: Mhmm, awesome seeing you too! even though you were kinda like, RUN, STOP, NISHAAA!, take picture, RUN AWAY! hahah:D
huiling:love you too(: haha yes, annoying indeed. AHAHA THE PONY WAS SICK K. I DIDNT NEED YOU TO SHOW ME!
ashley:hey, haha yes, k i'm smiling since you tagged!love you loads too!
marie: thankeee(: SEXY SINGLE LADIES CLUB PRESIDENTS FTWWW!

2.31

2009-11-12T10:31:00.000-08:00

It's 2.31 in the morning and I'm still up doing my invitations.
Gonna sleep soon and just rush them in the morning.

Ah well.
I'm exhausted.

I've got a midnight bottle gonna drink it down
A one way ticket takes me to the times we had before
When everything felt so right
If only for tonight
A midnight bottle gonna ease my pain
From all the feelings driving me insane
I think of you and everything's alright
If only for tonight.

Midnight bottle, take the time away from where we are

Damn.yes, you are mad:)

2009-11-12T05:38:00.001-08:00

hypocrite

yes i know i am

but so are you.

i didn't need reminding!

2009-11-11T06:40:00.002-08:00

HELLO WORLD.

YES I'M BACK. AND STILL MAD. like insane. YAY

Went out with Glenda and Huiling to Orchard, then Huiling ditched us when we went to Bugis. Walked around a lotttt. Talked even more, but it was nice(: I bought a dress! And doughnuts. and loaned money to glenda. HAHA. it was funny, we ended up running like mad people across the road. and i just got off at her stop coz we were halfway through a convo. and were contemplating whether to walk to my stop or wait for the 92. In the end the 92 went straight past glenda though she was flagging it. HAHA. saddd. So we just walked and talked and it was nice:)

Like yesterday went out with Shumin and Yijin and walked all over jp. like 4 times back and forth per level! Funny:)

But its keeping me fit!

hahah yes, i'm still thinking about it. and yes, you're a hypocrite but whatevs. i'm not wasting more thought on you today.

good night world:)

2009-11-10T07:18:00.001-08:00

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause we hate what you do
and we hate your whole crew
so please don’t stay in touch

fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause your words don’t translate
and it’s getting quite late
so please don’t stay in touch

do you get, do you get a little kick out of being small-minded?
you want to be like your father
it’s approval you’re after
well that’s not how you’ll find it

do you, do you really enjoy living a life that’s so hateful
cause there’s a hole where your soul should be
you’re losing control of it
and it’s really distasteful

you weren't worth it.
ahahaha what an idiot i was:)

its really quite amusing eh? how we can make total idiots out of ourselves for someone. HAHA i think i sound like a total idiot on my private blog, swooning like some kinda noob. k whatevs. i don't care anymore. If you care at all, then it's your move. You got one last chance and the pressure's on. But if you wanna forget it, haha then its fine by me. Just so fine by me:) ~~omg i dont believe i'm saying this. lying through the skin of my teeth. if i didnt care, it wouldnt hurt.~~
i shall go braid my hair now. heh and then sleep with it braided. I'm gonna look scary tomorrow. How fun:D

Did i mention that I'm in a slightly unstable frame of mind?

Did i mention that I'm smiling?

And that I'm literally laughing at myself?

Does that make sense? Ah yeah, didn't think so.

I needa talk to someone. Whoops. I suppose that doesn't happen when you appear offline. hahahah! Nevermindddd I'll find someone to go out with after school tomorrow or somethingg. Or just someone to talk to.

Because the world's spinning at the speed of sound.And I'm losing my balance and tripping over my shoelaces. We gotta slow it all down a little, eh?

ooh and i think the guy we saw at that shop on monday with the cool sunglasses was freaking hotttt:) Like seriously, its not everyday you come across a guy with perfect features and damnn nice skin! Not to mention pretty buff. I'm ignoring the act cool eyebrows! Heh, he has a "memorable" (aka hot) face:D Especially rare sighting in Singapore. Looks like I'm going over to Heeren more often now:) heehee!eye candy ftwww

ehmygosh,

mad

i swear i'm mad right now!

HAHAHA!

2009-11-09T05:11:00.000-08:00

SHOULD I HAVE A BIRTHDAY PARTY THIS YEAR?!?!?!

text me kay(:

3,2,1 I let go.

2009-11-09T02:23:00.000-08:00

Dammit man.
I feel like hell. seriously.
Why do I keep screwing myself over?
Where is the sense in that? Why can't I just stop?
I know you just can't be all worth it. In fact, I'm this close to saying you aren't worth it at all.

I plastered that stupid smile on my face all of today.
Laughed in the morning when we went around pretending to be beggers asking for donation for class fund with some random plate we found in class. And I forgot, for a while.
But really.
It just makes you almost drown so when you come back up to the surface, it's ready to bite.

All the same, it was nice going out with Huiling and Tessa for our ~~watch~~ outing. Crashed 04 people's outing to ion, then ditched them and walked around on our own. I got Ariel and Anupa's presents!(: They better be grateful, NOT CHEAP! heh anyway after a while, when we were supposed to go crash Huiling's house, I just felt so tired and annoyed and everything after today I ended up leaving.

Oh and we had a weird sex talk in school today. The woman was a bitch, there were images we DIDNT need to see! Heh but it was amusing coz Huiling was messaging Edward and telling him to go for the watch outing, kept telling him that I was pissed and I said go die and that she hoped he'd go bald. To be honest, I couldn't care less, but it was fun to pretend to be pissed:D hehe. Oh and I totally got suanned during the job shadowing ppt-.- nice timing man. And Dylan said my face was red. LKIE WHAT THE CRAPP?HAHA that would be physically impossible(: But I swear his hinting is ANNOYING.

Hi Huiling you made today be much nicer(: Touched? And I'm still amused at how similar we are. AND OUR PARENTS. but the parents part is annoying eh?

tell me again

2009-11-05T07:30:00.000-08:00

Today was boooring in school man. Like seriousleeeyyy. Ah. I have gone to the extent of adding an e into my suddenly. Ain't that awesomee.

Went to school and spent the morning bit sitting outside on the tables with a variation of people. Adelia,Huiling,Krittika,Sam,Erina,Tessa. Whoever was taken by the fact that my class is so awesome our desks are outside our class(: And there was circle time in the class for a while till random people all gathered in to play bridge. Me and Tessa were sitting outside and Ms Sng was very nice when she walked passed, all smiley and all. And then she saw the cards inside. Can't say we didn't try to warn them!

Anyway, ERadio was damnnn boring. First some talk which i was half asleep throughout. When i really did fall asleep, krittika woke me up coz the teacher was actually filming us-.- The guy sucked luh. We went down to I and E hub and looked at the equipment and thought through our radio station plan thing. It's damn cool k:) We're gonna be the mugger station!

Haha then lunched at Pizza Hut with Tessa, Lilin, Serena, Esther, Denise. All the 05 people, but they were super nice so i didnt feel left out or anything(: But it was damn annoying, the guy was trying to act cool and didnt write down me and Tessa's order, probably thinking he could remember it. But like we bet, he got the order mixed up. And service was baaad. Instead of the waiters coming to us, we resorted to just going up to them because they were NOT NOTICING US WAVING OUR HANDS LIKE MAD PEOPLE. aye. crazy. They served our dessert the same time as our soup, then our add on garlic bread and then we'd finished all that and they STILL hadn't brought us the ONE pizza we ordered-.- sheesh. And by the time it came, everyone but me and tessa had left, since we had a lot of time to kill. Walked around Bukit Timah Plazaaa. Talked quite a bit! HAHA oh and said some stuff i shouldn't have(yes and I'm sorry k). Tessa walked me to my bus stop since she had nothing to do and formal dinner was only later at night. Bussed home and fell asleep and promptly missed my stop. Awesome,yeah?

Then at 6.30, out again to KAP to meet Mervelle, Chris,Kris, Andre. Kinda fail coz I was supposed to be there by 6 30 and that was the time i left my house. So i just cabbed there. What with the rain and the jam and the surcharge and all, what could have been a two minute journey cost me nice bucks. Fishhcakeezzz. There goes my allowance. Then met them there and ate and Kris was even later! Then we went over to Merv's house. Talked quite a bit about stuffzz. and at her house we composed the psalm for saturday, i gotta conduct too:/ and i cant come in properly, scared i screw it. AND i'm singing the Kyrie. But for most of it i was kinda stoned. Stole some of mervelle's wine. Quote her: Don't tell your mummy i gave you alcohol ah! ah. yes aunty mervy. HAHA. and i fell in love with the massage chair theree, its damn nice kay! and the leg massage was good, my feet still feel good:D Then we kinda fooled around and stuff and played Guitar Hero. Reaffirmed the fact that I suck at it! hahaah then andre went off at 10 just as cheryl got back.Cheryl saved Chris our fail drummer. hahaha! We played some more and i sang too. Not bad since i could get 70+ percent for songs i'd never heard and just randomly sang along:D

And then I realised it hit 11 plus. And I was still at Mervelle's house. And usually, by then my mum would have been calling till she was blue in the face. But no calls, so i just figured my mum believed the cheryl was sending me home and let me be. Not bad, coz I left soon after and caught a cab and got home in ten minutes FLAT. like, i started getting my stuff together to leave mervelle's house and exactly 10 minutes later i was walking into my own house. Didn't realised she lived so close!(: Anywhoo, NO ONE WAITED UP FOR ME WHEN I GOT HOME. which is a good thing coz normally daddy would be sitting and watching tv and then interrogate me if i was home too late. But it was nice, at least i know my parents trust me enough now! WHEEE. IM SUCH A GOOD DAUGHTER!

ahaha i wanna pon tuition tmw, I WANNA GO FOR THE AEP EXHIBITION! ms ho is coming back! omggg but i dont know if my mum will allow:/ worse come to worst, i'll just go for the exhibition and leave after seeing people and then go late for tuition!

Nut and Pinkie's confirmation on saturdayyy. Mervelle's going too so i'm gonna go with her! But we've got our mass till 6.30 and the confi mass at sfx is at 6, so we're just gonna go lateee.

Hmm, think I'm gonna sleep now(: Been sleeping superrr late and i know i was damn exhausted in school today. so i'll learn my lesson and sleep! tomorrow is gonna be a long day too. my grandma hates the fact that i never eat at home anymore, always going out for lunch and dinners. heh oops!

Freakkk, my sandfly bites are itchy as hell. Killer man:(
they left out the Z! :o

2009-11-04T07:38:00.000-08:00

KILIG.

yes ariel navas, i'm using your word because it describes it so darn perfectly!

OH BEE ASS (didn't sting![stink])

2009-10-30T17:38:00.000-07:00

OBS was really quite fun actually:) Pretty much total awesomeness.

Dylan: If I'd replied your tag before obs, i'd disagree, but now I TOTALLY AGREE(: i totally had a change of heart.
Ariel: yes you crazy woman. i saw youuuu!
Chels: It's what I'm doing with this post:)

I'm writing one super long word doc on what we did at obs. I'm still at day 2 coz im lazy to finish. HAHA. ah well. WATCH OUTING ON MONDAY!(: love you people. And I think i am maddd.

School's been a bitch since we got back. Nothing but results. And mine, well let's just say they are nowhere near good.Like fuuuck, really.

Screw it.
I'm not gonna waste my time talking about that.

But I don't mind talking about what we did in our spare time!
Monday, me and erina made at least 6 trips to the toilet through the whole day. Nothing better to do, and we just needed to walk, and escape the LT! Even though it was aircon and pretty nice(:

And Yvonne was tickling Jessie. And Huiling and me joined in. And it was fun till Jessie escaped and Yvonne realised i was ticklish. At which point she decided that I was an interesting target. HAHA. funnyy. then later I went to sit with jessie and jessie made to move away until i assured her that i wasnt gonna tickle her.HAHA.

Then I got to leave early coz my malay teacher was being slack and just released me because he forgot the key to the cabinet my paper was in. I BET HE JUST NEVER MARKED IT. ah whatevs.

And i was calling around to go find people to lunch with since the rest of the school was checking their chinese paper and ij ppl are at work attachmentzzz. So in the end i went home to sleep the entire afternoon away. It felt gooood:) hahaha

Today was fun:D Ignoring the stupid shitass marks, i mostly stoned, made many toilet trips again. Then played more bingo with sam and krittika and adelia and jasmine, omg i swear we have no life HHAHA.

Got my spire marks, I MISSED MY A + JUST DAMMIT. i blame _ for giving me the sucky op marks. seriously eh. JUST MISSED. and here i was praying for my a+. ah kay whatevs.

Lunched with cynnn(: Met her at tp, bought a lotta random stuff to eat, watched Love Happens at cine and then walked around Orchard. I swear there was so much i wanted to buy BUT I WAS NOT GONNA TEMPT MYSELF. Spent a lot of time at pull and bear and top shop!

Talked a lot to cyn(L). About eeevverything. It was nice to see her again, MISSED YOU GIRL! and i asked vans along but she had watch outing so, next time thennn!

Got home a bittt later than normal, like 7 plus and got interrogated. sad.

Job shadowing tomorroww. Me and edward were supposed to shadow my dad but then last minute found out that the court case my dad has tomorrow is a closed door case, meaning they wont allow us in. So my dad shoved us over to some dude who is kinda slacker i think:D

yeah wellll, gotta go breakfast at SEVEN tomorrowww. gonna sleep soon coz i'm such a good girl good night angels:) (the kind born with horns)

If the fish swam out of the ocean
and grew legs and they started walking
and the apes climbed down from the trees
and grew tall and they started talking
and the stars fell out of the sky
and my tears rolled into the ocean
now i'm looking for a reason why
you even set my world into motion

'cause if you're not really here
then the stars don't even matter
now i'm filled to the top with fear
but it's all just a bunch of matter
'cause if you're not really here
then i don't want to be either
i wanna be next to you
black and gold
black and gold
black and gold

i looked up into the night sky
and see a thousand eyes staring back
and all around these golden beacons
i see nothing but black
i feel a way of something beyond them
i don't see what i can feel
if vision is the only validation
then most of my life isn't real

'cause if you're not really here
then the stars don't even matter
now i'm filled to the top with fear
but it's all just a bunch of matter
'cause if you're not really here
then i don't want to be either
i wanna be next to you
black and gold
black and gold
black and gold

2009-10-25T02:17:00.000-07:00

OH BEE ASS.

I'll be reporting to school in slightly over 9 hours. How scary is that. And in 12 hours I'd be in Pulau Ubin.

WHICH I SO DON'T WANT TO GO FOR.

and me and marie and erina have other annoying reasons.

5 days with no handphone, no laptop, no internet access, no contact with people outside from our level (which isn't that bad since i'm not exactly on bad terms with anyone anyway!)

But all the same, I'm not reeeaallyy looking forward to it. I think I'm gonna die halfway because I am SO NOT an outdoors kinda person. As in, you stick me in the middle of a forest and I WILL DIE. Seriously. Unless I'm stuck with someone who knows what they're doing! HAHA.

Anywayyy, stayed up on friday night doing cards for people at church. And I didn't finish them so I didn't give them out! Sad indeed. Saturday we also had open house for sec ones. I was kinda late so my dad got me to school in five minutes FLAT. which is quite a scary feat considering i live about 10-15 minutes away normally. Then I had to wait in the car anyway till Sasha came down with a collar pin for me! Saw Donavon who walked out and then had to walk back in to get a tie for Dylan. So fiiinally when my sister came out with a vanguard sheet that spelled out I (L) U SASH from her friends for her bday, i got the collar pin and walked in and stoned with Donavon and Dylan for a while till Marie came! Then we got split into our groups, so me marie wenying, and jonathan from 403 were in charge of the last group of sec ones giving the tour.

Walked around the school, discovered that we actually have a music room in nj! yeah then followed them around and me and marie went in with them to the boarding school but got bored so we just sat in the green chairs area with 403 people. we saw ms lee. WHO IS UNRECOGNISABLE with her hair let down. i had to look twice before i recognised she was walking towards us!

And marie was amusing, some guy was walking into the boarding school and said hi to her. and she was like, hi! and then: are you the guy who's calculator i borrowed? and when he looked at her confused, she was like OH WAIT nevermind HAAHAHHA. and then as he walked off she realised she knew him from the time the german people came. and we both sat there laughing for a while.

Overall, i kinda wasted my time but it was not that bad lah. Then went for cath class and stuffff.

OBS TOMORROW.

kbye.

SHINGZZZ!

2009-10-22T03:13:00.000-07:00

mhmm, new addition to our english language eh?:)

S u p e r s t a r s .

2009-10-21T04:20:00.000-07:00

Exactly.

Screwed up bio paper today:/ Like, really, screwed.

Math was okay but i kinda totally blanked on the last question, THIRTEEN DAMN MARKS.

MI was, uh, surprisingly tough! But I didnt copy:)

Tomorrow there's IH and Physics.

I gotta revise physics and then go loooking for stuff for tomorrows IH essay. Gosh. I should so not be blogginggg!

Anyhoo. Today, after MI, rushed down to Island Creamery to meet Kylie, Ariaga and Qis!:) Pity Saira couldnt make it:(

It was fun, but i was kinda distracted through most of it! I kinda lost my highness. Aye, well. Thenn, after being retarded, like majorlyyyy!:) We walked around wondering where to go. Hahaa. Kylie was dying in her heels! And so they made fun of me being short:( I don't like my height either kayyy!

Then bussed down to kap, so i could mug or something and just because they wanted to kill time and not go home. Damn, I've missed IJ people so so much and I hardly even realised! Anyway, saw Edward, Qi Heng and Hunquan there. At first we were like looking around for somewhere to sit and i was like eeehhh i know those guys! HAHAHA i was like, leaning in a weird way to make sure they were the same people. Okay whatevs, then spent too much time laughing and trying on kylie's heels, which i'm surprisingly stable on! Not bad eh:D And they match with NJ's greeeyyy uniform!

I didn't get much econs done OOPS. i wonderrr why! hahaah unglam videos and picture spam once the photos go up on facebook:D

Aye okay I think I am practically ASKING to fail my exams tomorroww! I shall go do physics now. Then IH! (which Ari pronounces as ihhh, like really) haha:) i know ari was hijacking my phone and adding hearts next to RANDOM (right!) people's names-.- But nevermind, i love my awesome blond junior muchness anyway:)

AND KYLIE MADE ME A FRIENDSHIP BRACELET!:) i love you kyyylieeee!

Screwed.

2009-10-19T03:30:00.000-07:00

I guess somewhere along the way, we just stop caring. Things happen, but they all come to pass. Everything has a time, and then we move on. It seems to me like our entire life could pass in phases and we just wouldnt realise. We'd be too self-absorbed and too busy looking at down and making sure our feet are following the same path we've been on since we were younger. But when we were younger, everything was planned for us. We were put on the path, we were told to grow up following it. But no one warned us of the wrinkles in the otherwise smooth path. The times when we had to take steps over them, or just close our eyes and jump. Maybe, or maybe not, we'd have a hand to hold, and we'd get through it together. But everything passes soon enough. And then where would we be? We'd be dead. Dead to the world because the eyes of our soul have just been trained to not see. The world could just be a figment of these daydreams, something that we believe in, just so we can keep ourselves on that path. Sometimes we drown in our lies, sinking too deep to pull ourselves out. Those are the times when we'd kill to just start anew, or to be given a second chance. Those are the times when we pray for a hand to hold, someone to get us through the heartbreak and headache. We don't want to care more than the rest of the world, yet we find ourselves peeking out from behind our masks just to make sure everything's alright. We don't want to form attachments, when we know they only bring hurt, yet we find ourselves, falling, smiling and getting in too deep. Sometimes we do crazy things, just to get away from ourselves for a while. Because the world is sometimes too much for us to bear on our own.

Thank you glenda,mervelle,ariel,kylie,vans,cyn, andre,ryan
Ignore my rant, just felt like typing stuff that would get my mind off mugging. I mugged hell lot today, gotta mug again later. heh, i guess its what i get for procrastinating so much. I bet most of my nj contact list was online today, just that everyone was appearing offline!Like meee! heh i'm like, still appearing offline!

glenda: I'm better:) thank youuu.love you too!:) haha they censored it because my tagboard is very politeeee!And right now, I just can't be bothered about her and her annoying bitchyness coz i think she just isn't worth my time or trust!

marian:haha nah its okay, it was interesting:D and confi was nice:)

ariel: HEEHEE I SAW. why the picture so unglam:( ah well nevermind, ily too!

Goshhh i just taught my grandma to make cup noodles. She's so excited about it, although she's been cooking meals for the family since she was married!It's amusing:) Now I'm full from cup noodles, reminds me of boarding, when Jasmine and Erina would be in me and Marie's room and we'd all decide to go eat cup noodles at 2 or 3 in the morning! Hahah boarding was awesome, kinda miss it:) But I'm not realllyyy looking forward to boarding next year. I mean, now I can kinda see how its gonna be. But I guess we'll just have to wait and see how it goes eh?

Exams. Start. Tomorrow. What. The. Fishball.

I am not really well-prepared. Aye, so long as I know most of it can pass lah. I'm just mostly scared for bio, coz I think (HAHA) I'm already failing overall.

Talk To You Never, Goodbye. Coz I figured that's what you mean when you tell me ___

I was right when I said it hurt too much, to fall in love

2009-10-17T20:38:00.000-07:00

I am fine. but i'm lying to myself

Absolutely and totally. hurting

Life is perfect. So not

Isn't it just wonderful?

Went to church this morning. I nearly sat there and cried. Wtf is wrong with me now?
Had to wake up shitasss earlyyyy! I miss my sleep:( Tomorrow and today I gotta mug like hell. Exams next week, I cannot afford to do too badly.

Pity I am human, isn't it? We want to leave but we're stuck here.

BLEAH. i got no mood to blog yo! Okay i shall edit this later if i feel like it:/ MUGGING.

2009-10-17T05:13:00.001-07:00

Ariel friggin tetrahydroxypropyl said:
oh shush. don't steal my thunder.
NISHA JOSEPH STOP STEALING MY THUNDER. said:
HAH
Living on the edge said:
HAHAHAH
i am honoured to have my name there
NOW THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS OF MY AWESOMENESS
Living on the edge(ARIEL NAVAS I AM NOT STEALING ANYTHING. I AM DEPRESSED,LIKE YOU) said:
HAH

Heehee. Hi ariel, are you honoured to be on my blog? I'm sure you are, because it is such a perfect place to be indeeeeedd. And I am so amused by the fact that we are in the exact same predicament. Ain't life crazily repetitive?

NISHA JOSEPH STOP STEALING MY THUNDER. says:
OH SHIT
NPOOO
OH MY GOD
NO SHIT OH MY GOD HE LEFT ON DAAAAAAAAAAAMN. ):
Living on the edge(ARIEL NAVAS I AM NOT STEALING ANYTHING. I AM DEPRESSED,LIKE YOU) says:
oooooohhhh
NISHA JOSEPH STOP STEALING MY THUNDER. says:
D: D: D: D: D:

Living on the edge(ARIEL NAVAS I AM NOT STEALING ANYTHING. I AM DEPRESSED,LIKE YOU) says:
NEVERMIND
I BET
HE JUST WENT TO EAT!
then
he'll be back later?
NISHA JOSEPH STOP STEALING MY THUNDER. says:
noooo. ):
damnit damnit damnit
Living on the edge(ARIEL NAVAS I AM NOT STEALING ANYTHING. I AM DEPRESSED,LIKE YOU) says:
HUGSSSS(: I AM SURE
MAYBE
HE WAS JUST WAITING FOR YOU TOO!
NISHA JOSEPH STOP STEALING MY THUNDER. says:
NO HE IS NOT BECAUSE HE'S IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER GIRL.
Living on the edge(ARIEL NAVAS I AM NOT STEALING ANYTHING. I AM DEPRESSED,LIKE YOU) says:
then he saw some photo album with you in it. so he raaaannnn all the way there and tripped over his com and so it shut down, now he's offline!
oh
NISHA JOSEPH STOP STEALING MY THUNDER. says:
hahaha
OMG I JUST REALIZED MY NAME IS ON YOUR NAME AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Living on the edge(ARIEL NAVAS I AM NOT STEALING ANYTHING. I AM DEPRESSED,LIKE YOU) says:
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH SLOWWWWW
NISHA JOSEPH STOP STEALING MY THUNDER. says:
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
HAHAHAHA
AHAHAH
HAHAHAH
OMG
OMG
HAHHA
Living on the edge(ARIEL NAVAS I AM NOT STEALING ANYTHING. I AM DEPRESSED,LIKE YOU) says:
you have been enlightened.
DO YOU FEEL HONOURED!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAARIELISSLOWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

NISHA JOSEPH STOP STEALING MY THUNDER. says:
slfkjsldfjsdf
bomg
omg
blogskinning is so. annoying. like. ugh
Living on the edge(ARIEL NAVAS I AM NOT STEALING ANYTHING. I AM DEPRESSED,LIKE YOU) says:
YOU ARE GONNA GET A DEDICATION ON MY BLOG FOR BEING SO STRANGE. MUAHAHHAAHH OKAY BOMG!

NISHA JOSEPH STOP STEALING MY THUNDER. says:
hahahah! omg awesomease!
OMG NISHA
I HAVE SO MUCH AWESOMASE IN ME
THE ENZYME FOR SYNTHESIZING AWESOME.
hahaha

HI ARIEL. i think you're an awesome example of a total crackhead!:D

BUT i know you love me anyway.

And right now you are nagging me to study for the Evil,eXciting,Annoying, Malicious thing they call exams.

So I'm gonna end this post right here. YES ARIEL, BE HONOURED.

Silent Scream

2009-10-15T05:59:00.000-07:00

i guess i misplaced my trust in you Adeliaaa: Nah, my phone is Sony Ericsson, EVEN COOLER KAY!:D and life's good even without LG! i bet your life is good, coz theres me in it!
Olanda: chill youuu(: You'll be okay!
Michael: HAHA HI YOU LEARNT HOW TO TAG,IM SO PROUD HAHAHA!:D
Andre: DUDE YOU TOTALLY SPAMMED MY BOARD!HAHA!and you all suckkk:( make me sad only! and you were supposed to call me today!tsk tsk!

Today was, uh, interesting
Met Sam and Glenda for lunch at pizza hut, glenda was late so me and sam just walked around bukit timah plaza for a while. then glenda appeared behind us while i was on the phone with her. She thought the security guard in white was sam-.- yeah so we ate and now i owe sam a lot, because i brought my wallet and forget my money!
HAHA then we went over to kap. met robynnn!(: and a couple of people who i kinda hid from. ANYWAY! we attempted to mug physics.
Then we headed to school. Wandered around a bit trying to find ms ong. Saw isaac so glenda was shouting for him but totally he didnt hear!yeah then we discovered that ms ong pushed our consultation back to 5. And it was only 3.
So me and glenda went to class, sam went to band room. Marie came, we tried to do physics. BUT i kept getting distracted by the two annoying people who were in class with meee! i swear they were killing me! and i found out stuff i didnt need to know.
Yeah so we:me, sam, marie,glenda, isaac had consultation in classss. yvonne was sitting in our class studyinggg!
went home and went to the swings. I havent been there in damn long. But i just needed time to myself, time to think about everything and what i'm gonna do. Sucks. Really. then i grabbed my bag and walked off when this group of guys came over to play there.
But really.
Its just.
I just really dont believe it.
What i said was said in complete privacy.And i didnt even admit to anything. I didnt admit to anything for the longest time after that too.
But i guess i was wrong to trust you eh?fuck you

I'm falling apart though

2009-10-14T06:11:00.000-07:00

I really fucking hate this right now.

Why do i do this to myself?

I said it wasn't worth it, I meant it.

And then i go and do this stupid worthless thing.

Goshdammit i cant stand myself right now.

And I think Glenda may have a point. What if I am being used?

Myocardial In FARCtion.

Screw it.

But on the bright side, SPIRE ENDED TODAY:)

LIFE IS GOOD.so not.

SAM ACT CUTE ONLYYY!mr leow's spire groups ftwww!(:
we were so happy after OP, we tore up our scripts and made WE (L) MR. L! this was in the library, symbolising our happinesssssssssssss:D:D:D:D:D:D

SPIRE KILLS YOU!:)

the way you move ain't fair y'know

2009-10-13T08:22:00.000-07:00

When I'm with you,

I'll make every second count.

Cause i miss you,

Whenever you're not around.

oh just screw it, you just don't know.

Jesus, take the wheel

2009-10-11T06:22:00.000-07:00

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus or in honour of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine

1045 reporting at st michaels room, before the confi mass!

Love you cyn and vansss(: (:

Livia+Robynnn!

Love you!

Okayy, so.Confirmation todayyyy. My dress was prettyy, but the damn scarf covers it in almost every picture. Its like a halter neck dress, and a kinda ribbon in the front. Yeah so got to church by 1030. Chris's first reaction :It's yellow!

Then when we were getting into our lines, Andre was like, omg your dress is damn, noticable. why yellow?! Then i went into a talk about how it wasnt yellow, it was cream! Heh:D Eugenia gaave me flowerssss(: Yellow and pink! Then we went upstairs and vans was frantically calling me, trying to find out the address of church because the bus took forever and so they were cabbing.

Yeah then mass, Edward had to carry the book and read the first reading, which he insists he screwed up but sounded perfectly fine to me and michael! And mervelle had to singgg responsorial psalm(: Which wasnt bad and she'd been freaking out to me earlier on like before the mass. Aye so i was sitting between michael and roy. Kinda stoned through homily. The choir sang damn nicely, and i bet its coz my choir was singing with them!

After mass, family pictures and then with friends. but i didnt use my camera muchhh so. The photos here are mostly off fb! Then went out to eat some buffet style ex looking place. Still dont know the name! HAHA but its okay since kris didnt know the name of the place he was eating at either!:D

okay this picture is so unglam, but i laughed at it anyway:D

Trading my life for money,stars and power

2009-10-09T09:52:00.000-07:00

HIATUS STATUS: MAJOR FAIL

AH WELL.

Nevermind, I need to blog. Helps me stop thinking.

Because I REALLY NEED TO STOP THINKING. YES, ABOUT YOU DAMMIT.

And after all this time my heart still burns for you

If you don’t know by now that you’re my only one

Then take a look inside me and watch my heart strings come undone

TUITION TOMORROW AT 8.30AM. i assure you i will be half asleep.

Gosh, confirmation coming upppp! Means class is gonna end soon. omg:(

today class was amusing. Donavon discovered that now the whole world knows who he likes. And was annoying and sprayed the distilled water at me in chem-.- Marie was camwhoring when she was supposed to be scribe-ing HAHAHA. yes, i'd expect it of marie:D thats what makes marie marie!

Chem was like ... I just copied down whatever cw did, totally no idea WHAT he was doing, but he was so confident about it i was just like okayyy... And apparently he topped sji for chem. which probably explains the egoism! And erina's group was damn damn amusing, they kept confusing each other!

Tuition, i was late. As usual. Which genius was it who asked to start at 5 ah?! Aye, but whatevs not like i get much done anyway. I went kinda high at first. Then anupa and ariel and rachel decided me and daniel would look cute together and i was like omg wtfashjdhfjkshdg poop. O.O like HAHAH strange and amusing. and so never gonna happennn! Yeapp so ariel and i discovered we have the sameeeee problem when it comes to our PINK dilemma! hahah i love you ariel!(:

tag replies!
marian: KAY HELPED!:) HAHA ohh i get it! haha its just an interesting picture!
glenda:HAHA NEW INCENTIVE! nevermind the vandalism on my chem paper by you me cw was replacement enough:D
tara:omg HAHAHA yes she is damn sad lahh:) and thanks!
marie:YEAP IM A LOT BETTER NOWWW(: (: (:
andy:nonsense bullshit!:D i'm more lovable please! heh thankyou!

You are holy, You are faithful, You are Saviour, You are friend
You are all I'll ever need
Lord, You are.

You are every question's answer, You are every reason why
You are moving, You are still
Lord, You are

And You are the Lord on high, And You are the way, the truth, the life
And You are the Word made flesh, You are the bright morning star
You are

You are glory, Hallelujah
You are hope of peace on earth
You are alpha and omega
You are

You are comfort, You are refuge, You are love personified
You are kindness and compassion
You are

And You are the Lord on high
And You are the way, the truth, the life
And You are the Word made flesh
You are the bright morning star
You are

You are my God and my King
You are the words that I sing
You are the reason I make this offering

You are the Lord on high
And You are the way, the truth, the life
And You are the Word made flesh
You are the bright morning star
And You are the Word made flesh
You are the bright morning star

You are

Thank you, Lord, for everything You've blessed me with. And I feel so lucky to be born a Catholic and to be a daughter of Christ(: